You are exactly right and I KNOW that that is not helpful. I don't deny that at all. It's rare I feel, that I bring the situation up, this was a couple weeks ago. HOWEVER, I do NOT feel like I will still be doing that to him in the year (let's see 2007+15) 2022!!!!!!!!! And that is what he is doing to me. (He actually said something when we were eating out a few months ago, "Oh, my favorite song!" when a song I danced with a guy to came on.)
I found out about him and Pam March 30th. It is not yet June 30th, so 3 months and he acts like I am a total psycho nut job when I "mention" it. I know that wasn't productive, but you know what would make it easiest for me to get past it? Him to admit to his own wrongdoing instead of incessantly downplaying it and acting like I have no right to mention it. That is like telling a dieter not to think about food, it just makes me worse. This is the exact same position he is in right now. When he gets REALLY into the mudslinging, I mean practically calling me a slut, like yesterday when he told me point blank he was a chump who should have told me to F off and he should have never married me or had kids with me, I start defending and saying, "Don't call it cheating." and we get into that semantics fight. He is best when I am totally submissive and apologetic about the whole situation, which I HAVE been. I also stepped up our sex life, offered to swallow his cum, initiated anal sex, etc. and he STILLLLLLLLLL gets in some funk for 3 days because he had to go to a counseling session and talk about details, THEN has the audacity to blame us not having sex for several days on ME. It's this constant hyprocritical crap that I am tiring of. It seems it's never enough, no matter what I do and it makes me tired of trying, so I slip into my entitlement.
I do appreciate the advice. I'm just trying to figure all of my feelings out about this. I know I'm contributing to the problem at times, just like he is. Thanks for the insight.
Cadesmom, I don't think I would be "invited." I think it would be a trip paid for by Discovery Channel and he would be going with his boss, who he always travels with. (Just like when he met Pam.)
