By "tough" I meant making myself do what I believe I need to do in SPITE of my fears and anxieties.
I believe I need to step away from the M and focus on who I really am and what I really want, because while I'm in the M, I resort to old, self-destructive behaviors very quickly. I've been living like a frightened child all my life. And so has my H. We have a LOT in common there.
We met and married primarily out of fear and neediness. What enchanted me when I met him was how much he was NOT like my XH and how wonderful that felt. And he loved how different I was from his XW. And that, my friends, is a lousy foundation.
Meanwhile, a friendship has developed, which I truly would like to preserve. What I'm not clear on is whether we both really want it to be in the form of a marriage.
...I guess I probably don't really belong on this board, right? I guess I'm hoping some time and space will allow us both to think more clearly.
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And does that last post make it easier for you to leave? Does that help you in believing that?
Honestly, I can't tell what he feels and thinks. It's just an insecure assumption of mine.
