yes they will, It will effect them forever. As hard as this is on us it will be on them. And its such a waste for them who dont even want to try everything in the world before throwing in the towel. Liek I said mine is still home asked em for a D 2 weeks ago, but she has no job and no place to go, and I cant afford nor will I support her move out. Especially with her "Friend" she says she is not having an affair with. If he were out of the picture and she demanded a seperation and we could do counseling etc and still try to reconcile I would support it and do all I could to make sure she is taken care of , but this friend changes it all. Well I will try to check in later but its time to go home. One of those I want to go home but am afraid too... never know what rollercoaster is waiting for you,and the wonder of has she been talking to him all day or has she been with him? Of course she would tell me she isnt or hasnt but I cant even ask. Talk to you later, hope you have a good night and tomorrow is another day!
H-40 W-33 Married 13.5 yrs S18, S11, D15, D9 W asked for D on 6/05/07
I know I just wish he would see that. I have hope that one day he will decide he wants to try and come home until then I just have to take care of me and the kids.
Yeah we couldn't afford for him to leave but he did anyway. I'm in the process of trying to get a job. Up til now I've been a SAHM. Now I need to be able to support me and the kids.
Well I hope your night isn't too bad. Getting about time to get my kids to bed so I'll be around tomorrow. Who knows what kind of mood.
W: 33 H: 37 SS: 14 S: 7 S: 3 married 08/09/97 Seperated 11/02 05/07 H moved back 8/26/07
TB - there are lots of success stories. Did you take NikkiB's advice? Check out the Recent Success Stories, and the Successful Men and Successful Women in the Newcomers Forum. I read about one a day. LOTS TO BE LEARNED.
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
Sometimes we have these "friends" just to restore our self esteem or to get attention. It is not appropriate but is is also not innappropriate. I wish I had a gay male friend I could do things with. I love being with my girlfriends but having male friends who may act like brothers can be very handy. They tell me things from a male perspective. I do not get friendly with guys from work but I am reconnecting with safe male friends from school. They have given me a lot of insight into my H's issues.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
Well not a good night for me. I went home, acted like Superman, like all was good and It backfired on me. I took the W and Kids to dinner, came home , acted upbeat played with the kids, treated the W with respect and just as I am ready to go to bed she asks if we can talk. I was prepared as all have given me advice to do to be strong, not ask her to leave, go along with all she had to say, not put her down. Well she pulls out the Divorce papers she went and got earlier in the day and asks if I would read through them with her because she wants me to agree with all of it. I kept calm and simply told her I would be happy to read through them this weekend but the papers werent my biggest concern. Filing papers doesnt help us as to when or where she is going to go. She knows financially we are not set up to support 2 households. She repsonded yes I know that, thats why I am going to have Matt (the OM) help me. He is going to help me get a place and help me with my bills. I lost it at that point. And told her if thats what she wants she can leave tomorrow. This is our marriage and WE should figure this out, he has no business in it. I told her look If you think you love him and you claim you have only a friendship with him now so I dont think you know if you do, then you should not use him to escape your marriage, I am prepared to not make life miserable while you stay here while WE figure out how to make what you want to happen, happen. But I cannot support anything as long as he is the one involved. If he is not in the picture I am here to go through this with you no matter which direction it goes. I asked her if she would admit she is leaving me for him and she said no, right now she wants to get out on her own and if it happens with him in the future then it does. She says I have told you I have feelings for him. I asked her if the Rush on the D papers was so she could move on with him and she said I guess it has something to do with that. I told her then just go, i dont need this nightmare any longer. I did tell her though to think long and hard about what she is doing, if she needed to get away ALONE this wknd to do some soul searching and thinking, I would take care of the kids and pay for a hotel somewhere. I told her even though it may not seem to matter to her right now but if she leaves this way and goes to him, she is throwing away any chance of reconciliation with me if she ever realized she made a mistake, I could never take her back if she continued with thisng this way and went to another man. He has money and I knwo she is going to him for financially stability since she only works when school is in and only part time as a teachers asst. Makes about 500 a month for 9 mos of the year, and refuses to get a full time job because she wants to be there when the kids are there and wont have anything to do with daycare for them. I did assure her at this point she knows I still love her (I know I am not supposed to do that) but what she is doing right now is going to end any and all of that forever. I offered again for her to get counseling if she wanted it if not for us for her, I can tell she is confused and right now I dont hold any of this against her because I dont feel like she is in a place where she knows what she is truly doing. I got about 2 hours sleep and now back at work. What a train wreck! I have the next 5 days off and I cant decide what to do, if I should stay here and continue to fight for it or just leave town for a few days. I have one BIG challenge can anyone give me advice on? I am very involved in my kids sports, I am actually a coach on S11's football team. This Sunday is our kick off of the season BBQ get together for all the coachs and kids. Problem is the OM is one of the coaches also. I cannot see myself going to the BBQ now with he and my W there, but I dont want to let my son down. I dont even know how I am going to be able to coach on the team this year and it means sooo much to my S11. Believe it or not all the Nightmare I am going through and this is the issue that bothers me the most right now...I have coached his football team for 3 years along with basketball and Baseball, but Fball is his ultimate and he is the star. I cant see myself coaching this year but I also dont want the OM coaching him either!!!!!!!
H-40 W-33 Married 13.5 yrs S18, S11, D15, D9 W asked for D on 6/05/07
Bronco, stay calm and don't quit doing anything for your kids because OM is around. If he gets outta line, knock his ass OUT! You coach your kids, let HIM be uncomfortable, don't give anything up because of him. He is temporary. He is just providing some attraction for your W that you aren't or haven't been. It's VERY common, so don't get too discouraged.
I think you need to go to http://www.makingherhappy and buy David's book. Get your confidence up, make yourself more attractive to your W so she forgets OM and remembers why she loves you.
Just do not let OM get you off your game, or it'll be a much tougher road than you already have ahead of you.
Good luck!!!
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
TB I'm with JR, go and spend time with your kids. Avoid OM like the plague. Show both W and OM who the betterman is. All the money in the world can't buy character. You are much wealthier in that department than either of them!
Thanks TB and Spike. This is a nightmare, I still cant even believe this is my honest, faithful, loving W that is doing this. Its mind blowing, like not even the same person, and she is so blunt about it all. I can tell by the look in her eyes she is confused and acting out what someone else is telling her to do.
H-40 W-33 Married 13.5 yrs S18, S11, D15, D9 W asked for D on 6/05/07
