I have learned it doesn't hurt to ask things. The worst that can happen is him saying no and I am getting so used to that. I always plan on him saying no I don't get upset. But when he says yes, it is like good sex...........LOL!!!!!!!!!
I had a pretty good weekend. Didn't do anything exciting.
I got my hair done on Saturday morning. Babysat Saturday night (kids actually babysat, I stayed with them since it was my cousins house).
Sunday went to a lake and went swimming. Went home and took a nap. See, not an exciting weekend.
I let my daughter that just got her license drive for the first time by herself on Friday night. I was so nervous. I cried the whole time she was gone. She and her sister went to the store and straight back. They called when they got to the store and when the left the store. They admitted they were a little nervous themselves.
Yesterday I let her drive to go pick up a couple things at the grocery store. It is kind of nice not having to do it myself. I am still a little nervous when she leaves and stay that way until she gets home.
I did get a little upset that her Dad wasn't there to experience this with me. It is times like this that I really miss him.
Hi T2SP (what's that mean anyway?) I don't remember how I found your thread, maybe you posted on one of mine, but it sounds like our sitchs may share a lot of similarities. You seem to be further into this than I am though. Maybe you can give me some pointers?
I have felt guilty complaining too. My sitch, quickly, is, she left, she came back, she took a job out of state, we are friends, she will have my daughter with her, I will have my son with me. The general plan is that when my son finishes H.S. we'll all move to her state - if she wants me (and if I want her). We get along really well. She won't say ILY, she sleeps in a separate room. We will be separated, though not legally.
It's hard (although I know many have it worse) to 'just be friends'. You've kept this up for 5 years? Is it getting easier? What's your philosophy, what's your plan? Do you try to predict a future, or are you taking it as it comes?
Thanks,
M45, W45,S15, D10, Bomb 10/3/06, Moved back in 11/6/06, finally ILY 9/07 last thread
Hi T2SP (what's that mean anyway?)Trying2StayPositive. I used to have it spelled out but for some reason it got shortened on here and said Trying2Sta so I changed it to just T2SP. I don't remember how I found your thread, maybe you posted on one of mine, but it sounds like our sitchs may share a lot of similarities. You seem to be further into this than I am though. Maybe you can give me some pointers?I have been at this since February of 2005. I don't know what pointers I can give you. All I can say is I take one day at a time. I don't even think of the future. I try to stay in positive moods. Of course that isn't that easy at times. Whenever I start feeling down, I try to think of something that happened that was good. I look for small signs, not big ones. I try not to expect too much from H so when he turns me down on things or doesn't email me back that it doesn't upset me. I try to let things go at his pace.
I have felt guilty complaining too.I don't feel guilty complaining, I feel guilty when things are going good for me and everyone else is going thru a tough time. I hate posting positive things when my friends on here are sitting at the bottom. My sitch, quickly, is, she left, she came back, she took a job out of state, we are friends, she will have my daughter with her, I will have my son with me. The general plan is that when my son finishes H.S. we'll all move to her state - if she wants me (and if I want her).This is a good thing. You are leaving your options open. We get along really well. She won't say ILY, she sleeps in a separate room. We will be separated, though not legally.H and I are separated but not legally. We just tend to live our own lives right now. Neither of us is doing anything that we wouldn't if we were still living together. We are married, we just live apart and don't discuss romantic things. Heck, we don't discuss us much at all. It works better that way. We are learning to be friends again.
It's hard (although I know many have it worse) to 'just be friends'. You've kept this up for 5 years?Only 2 years. I will keep it up for 5 if that is what it takes though. Is it getting easier?It gets easier in a weird way. I still have up days and down days but I find myself being able to live. I don't worry about what H is doing or not doing as much as I used to. I don't dwell on it to the point it ruins my day anymore. What's your philosophy, what's your plan?I plan to wait for H to come out of the MLC. I plan on living my life to the fullest with or without him. Right now, I am not out there looking for love or anyone to share my life with. If this goes on too long and I do find myself wanting to be with someone else or meeting someone and falling in love again, I will deal with it when that time comes. For now, I am content (to a point) waiting for my H. I have no desire to be with anyone else. I love my H more now than I did when he walked out the door. Do you try to predict a future, or are you taking it as it comes?No future predicting. It only causes heartache. I live one day at a time. I live one baby step my H makes at a time.
Got home yesterday and the kids didn't finish their chores like they were supposed to. I debated whether to call H and tell him as he asked me to do when he doesn't go check. I didn't want him to think I was working with him so I called him. Needless to say, the girls got some things taken away from them.
I told him it wasn't fair that I had to deal with them fussing about it while he was off having a good time. He told me to just tell them to deal with it. They knew the consequences when they didn't do them. He even gave them a second chance last week.
I felt so bad about it that I went and cleaned my own room really good. (Therapy) I was upset because they were upset. I hate punishing them but I know you have to in order to teach them right from wrong. He is the one who dealt the punishment, why do I feel like the bad guy here?
Tomorrow is the 4th and it will be the first holiday I will be spending without my kids. A part of me doesn't mind because I don't enjoy going and watching the fireworks but the other part hates being away from them while they are having "fun" with their dad all day. I just wish we could be a family again and do things together.
I know you want a whole family again, but atleast he is still working "with" you on this. They have to follow the rules and we as Mom's want to "baby" them if you will and let them slide because of emotions or because we have been gone from them all day etc...but I think we are doing more harm than good by doing that. I am the best at doing this so I completely understand how you feel. Just think of your small positives and hopefully that will get you back to being happy. Tomorrow do something for yourself...try not to think abotu them having "fun" hang in there
I know I have to be strong dealing with the kids and the punishment. When they were little and I would punish them, I would cry. They got to the point they would come comfort me after they got in trouble. Looking back, it was kind of funny.
One good thing that came out of this is my room is spotless now. I cleaned for 2 hours.
Tomorrow I plan to do some painting on the outside of the house. My trim looks awful. Maybe that will make me feel better.
Thinking about the small positives..........all better now. LOL!!!
