Nikki-- My cell phone was on...please call whenever you need.
I know how hard it is to have the PW refuse to go away. I wish mine would move away, but not likely (she is going on vaca for 2 weeks--yea!)
I think I finally let go of the whole idea of the PW, by-and-large. I am convinced that she played a big role in lowering my H's respect of me (telling him that he deserved better, I should be doing more for him, etc). But, at this point, I look at her as a symptom. It does help that H has scaled back on the constant contact with her (that I am aware of), but even if not, I am focusing on me rather than on that. The only thing I looked at was, what was he getting out of that R that he didn't get from me? And then trying to give that to him.
I think a big part of it was my defensiveness, the way he said I turned everything around when he tried to vocalize his concerns. Now, she didn't have anything to be defensive about--she probably reinforced his concerns, instead. So, that is what I am trying to do. Take the wind out of her sails...
Have you figured out what the draw was in her? If you can fill that, he might be more willing to let go...
OT--can you give Nikki an example of the boundaries that you are thinking about...?
