I don't think he REALLY cared that I was going to my friend's. Usually, when things are on an even keel, it means he has a few precious hours to do computer/art stuff by himself or just veg. If you guys remember, I used to try regularly establishing Mommy Monday, Daddy Tuesday and Date Night Wednesday? Well, he threw such a fit and constantly complained that I'm not going to mention any of them ever again. Including date night...well read on and look where that got me.
First a tiny bit of background...I was not posting here and things seemed to be going well. He had bought tickets for us to go see a comedian I love for my birthday (which ironically, when I mentioned it to our therapist, bragging about how nice it was of Joey, she laughed and said she is going to the same event.) Anyhow, while I was out of town at mother-in-laws for a week so that Mari could attend little day camps, he sent me 6 red roses on my birthday. Very nice. I called him and told him I thought someone was courting me!! wink wink I told him it was very sweet and he didn't have to, he'd already bought the tickets, etc. (We are so broke...) Anyhow, last weekend came, Saturday night, he was reading to D in bed, and I left him little notes leading from her room to the bedroom, which said, "Come - find - me!" - with a little heart and winkie smiley face. I turned on the DVD that came with our Liberator pillows, which is the most sensual DVD I've ever seen that does not turn me off like porn usually does. (It's tasteful, yet sexy). I lit candles and got in the shower. Finally he came in and said, in a kind of grumpy tone, "Am I supposed to get in here or what? It's so hot in here, I'm about to pass out?" I said, with a bit of a tone, "No you're not *supposed* to get in here. (I didn't have a plan of how it HAD to go...) I know it's hot, that's why I opened the window. So he left and I probably rolled my eyes to myself. Nice reaction, but pressed on. I finished my shower, came out and he was watching COMEDY CENTRAL. ??? He said something about the notes were nice. I started brushing my teeth, (hate to say it, but sometimes his breath is raunchy and makes me not want him close to me, so I try to make mutual tooth brushing a no big deal thing, which he usually seems to resent. Sorry.) As I started brushing, and he was paying attention to the tv, I said, "Did you brush your teeth?" He said, oh, no. He sort of begrudgingly got up to do so, and I KNOW I SHOULD have shut up, but I tried to nicely say, "what did you do while I finished my shower?" Normally, we need lubricant to make things comfortable, he had not gotten that out of the drawer or anything. I said that I had HOPED that he would be excited by me putting on the dvd, the candles, etc., but he seemed very disinterested. He kind of defensively dismissed what I had to say and I think we went on to try and have sex, but our pride got in the way, and I think we ended up quitting. I actually cannot remember, but I think we never did it. ?
Next day, Sunday, we went out as a family and ate lunch, took some pics by the canal downtown, etc. Fun family day. At the very end, it had gotten really hot and while I was trying to be patient, he kept stopping with D and we were so close to the car, I was ready to go and nicely asked if we could quit stopping and just go. He acted like I said it very rudely and got a little huffy over it. I tried to explain myself which usually just makes him madder. FFwd to that night. I say I want to work in the yard, could he watch the kids? He didn't seem thrilled, but said ok. I ran to Home Depot and bought two crape myrtles and he asked if I was going to mow the lawn. (I try to do it because I don't mind and his allergies are affected sometimes when he does it.) I thought it was a little bold of him, but I said sure, and got started. Well, as I mowed, I started thinking too much about things and basically started stewing. The song that Pam sent to him in an email and he quoted back to her, which mentions "those three little words" and "won't you just lay her with me and let the world slip away" is on ALL THE TIME!! (It's called Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol.) I never posted about this, but when I was on my way to Wichita for my best friends bridal shower and bachelorette party, it came on the radio and I called him and let it play in the background. He got TOTALLY PISSED OFF AND DEFENSIVE. He is NEVER EVER EVER sweet, apologetic, understanding when I bring up in some way HIS indiscretions, but we can talk all gddam day about how I dumped him and screwed other people in 1992. GRRRRR! Ok, so he came out after I was done mowing and asked me some question and I answered curtly, w/o looking at him. He pressed, sensing something was wrong, and again, in this type of situation, he is NEVER thoughtful and sensitive and "is something wrong?" It's always more like, "What's wrong with you?" with major attitude, which only makes it worse. I simply said, "I'm not in very good mood." He asked why or about what and I said, "I've probably had too much time to think by myself, and I'm just not in a good mood." I hadn't intended on even talking to him, just wanted to go take a shower, but he was right in front of me, asking why I was pissed, so I told him. He was pissy, and I went in.
Ok, I totally suck at keeping things short and sweet, but that's the background of the weekend. So as of last night, he had been stewing for days and acting cold after his session Monday, which brought up details of the past. We had it out in a big way Wed. and he went out to a bar and I went to my friend's house for a family birthday party. Next day, he acted like nothing was wrong. (I find it weird, but I'll take it and yes, I know it's his way of saving face and moving past stuff. It's ok with me, and I played along.)
wink wink I told him it was very sweet and he didn't have to, he'd already bought the tickets, etc. (We are so broke...) Anyhow, last weekend came, Saturday night, he was reading to D in bed, and I left him little notes leading from her room to the bedroom, which said, "Come - find - me!" - with a little heart and winkie smiley face. I turned on the DVD that came with our Liberator pillows, which is the most sensual DVD I've ever seen that does not turn me off like porn usually does. (It's tasteful, yet sexy). I lit candles and got in the shower. Finally he came in and said, in a kind of grumpy tone, "Am I supposed to get in here or what? It's so hot in here, I'm about to pass out?" I said, with a bit of a tone, "No you're not *supposed* to get in here. (I didn't have a plan of how it HAD to go...) I know it's hot, that's why I opened the window. So he left and I probably rolled my eyes to myself. Nice reaction, but pressed on. I finished my shower, came out and he was watching COMEDY CENTRAL. ??? He said something about the notes were nice. I started brushing my teeth, (hate to say it, but sometimes his breath is raunchy and makes me not want him close to me, so I try to make mutual tooth brushing a no big deal thing, which he usually seems to resent. Sorry.) As I started brushing, and he was paying attention to the tv, I said, "Did you brush your teeth?" He said, oh, no. He sort of begrudgingly got up to do so, and I KNOW I SHOULD have shut up, but I tried to nicely say, "what did you do while I finished my shower?" Normally, we need lubricant to make things comfortable, he had not gotten that out of the drawer or anything. I said that I had HOPED that he would be excited by me putting on the dvd, the candles, etc., but he seemed very disinterested. He kind of defensively dismissed what I had to say and I think we went on to try and have sex, but our pride got in the way, and I think we ended up quitting. I actually cannot remember, but I think we never did it. ?
