I think she does still care about you. It is hard after all those years not to care. They just act like they don't care. They want to act like they don't care to show us. And maybe convince themselves...they usually don't know what they want. We have some similar situations. We have been in counseling. First with my therapist and then after the last separation one of the terms for him to come back was he see someone and then we started going to him for couples counseling. Three weeks ago that ended as H got angry and he said he wanted to quit as what was the point. I do not know if he is still going alone, his therapist had him stay after I left and I know he was trying to get him to come alone. I go faithfully every week to my wonderful therapist. It is a good sign that yours is still going alone. I think this a lot like my spouse, he needs to figure out that he is unhappy and what is making him unhappy and it can't be all me. That is why him moving out is a good thing. But I can tell you this is really really hard on me. I really am alone. This time there is little contact. He will not answer his phone if it is me, goes to voice mail.
I find it interesting that she thinks you should move on and deserve better. That to me shows she has some guilt about how she has treated you. Don't file or as my therapist has told me, don't do it for him, that is what he might want then he is not the bad guy, then it is mutual. Believe me I have been tempted by the amount of pain and fear I have been in to just go and file. I am surprized that your therapist told you to let her go and move on. My guess is that she means for you to find out what besides your wife makes you happy. Somewhere in DR it states that you should not listen to people who tell you its over or move on! Other people have said that to me, to move on and it hurts. My T has helped me to state things such as I want this to work out, but I don't need it to work out, I will be fine or I am working on moving forward to my spouse. Of course I should be a veteran at this by now. It almost is worse as in the past we would see each other and that is how he came back to me, by coming over to the house for grass yard work thing. Mine needs to not have me to talk to, and the problem is I miss talking to him too.
Do not give up. This is a long process. If you don't want to divorce don't help her do it. Mine is coming over this weekend to get his "remaining things" and I have on the advice of my therapist not to talk about much and let him take what he wants and quit offering him things. I have not let come over for a month or so. Mine has stated that I can have everything else left in the house and I should dispose of it as I want. I was emailing him things like maybe you would like to take this and that and was told to stop this by T. No arguing is the plan, just let him come and get his items he wants. We had an agrument over the phone. H wants to do everything by email. I bet he would divorce over email if he could.... mine has not changed his mind either.
Don't give up. You have history with yours and a child. I have 27 years with this guy. She misses talking to you. You can let her go in the sense that she has to find out what is going on with her and inside herself. I have been told by T this time he has to want to come back because he figures out that this is not about you, its about him. But I can tell you this is so hard. I don't think I have cried every day but close. Mine is a hard nut to crack to. Hang in there. I have to make through the weekend visit and I am a nervous wreck. I said in session this week that I feel like after this I may never see him again...
