And I totally agree that before you can start working 100% at repairing the damage an A has caused, the OP has to be out of the picture totally.
I agree with this as well, and I've been on the cheating side of the fence. I have a great deal more respect for my H because he drew the lines that he did than I would if he'd have been a doormat. I also think it is to be expected that contact would continue in some shape or form if the betrayed spouse doesn't make it absolutely, 100%, no doubt about it CLEAR that the cheater CANNOT have their lover AND their family. I didn't even have any feelings whatsoever for the person I betrayed my H with and I can tell you that had the boundaries not been crystal clear, I probably would have tested them, probably not even consciously at first.
Choco, you do what feels right because you have to live with yourself and your decisions every day for the rest of your life. So does she. And I know if you stick to your guns on how you feel, if your wife does come back to you, you will have a much better chance of receiving the woman that you wanted all along as opposed to a woman who is still half decided, half testing you. Your heart has been broken once, you let her know in no uncertain terms that she will not do that to you again.
Yes -- what she said.
Thanks, Heather. That is exactly how I feel. I'm going to have to live with whatever outcome here, so I have to go with my informed gut instincts.
