NikkiB #17

[care]

Hi Nikki,

I haven't posted in a while but I have been keeping tabs.

This whole thing with OW just really confuses me. I know that every sitch is different but one thing that keeps popping into my head as I read your threads is that your H for whatever reason, cannot let go of OW. There is some tie, some bond, something that is not letting him truly let go and come back to you and your M.

I think this because my H recently verbally recommitted to me. We've talked about OW a few times and H has made it very clear that he understands my discomfort, while he may not feel that discomfort because he knows where his heart and head are at, he is sensitive to my feelings.

The fact that your H understands your position and your sensitivity to the issue, but does this anyway, leads me to believe that he cannot let go of something from that time period in his life. I have no clue what that is however.

And I am sure that your H will deny this anyway. I believe that he wants to be there for you and your M, but that there is this thing in the back of his head that keeps that door open (for escape?) so he continues contact with her though he tells you about it. He doesn't want to do it behind your back but he cannot let go completely. Perhaps it is a control issue where he perceives it as you telling him who he can and cannot hang out with?

I don't have a clue as to how you would discern what the reason is. I think the best thing to do is to continue to focus on you as you have been doing, meet your H's love language as much as you can so he realizes that that he'd be crazy to not want to do whatever he can for the person that means so much to him.

You really are doing a great job navigating these difficult waters. Keep your head up and as a friend quoted from the Disney's Finding Nemo movie, "just keep swimming".