I live in a small market town called Towcester which is about the furthest point one can get from the coast anywhere in the country. It is midway between Milton Keynes and Northampton. What part of England is your relative visiting?
Its a good place to live, especially if you are into outdoor pursuits.
From what you have said your wife seems discontented without knowing why. Perhaps when she is low she wonders what might have been with OM but knows deep down that they would never have worked. OM sounds like a complete toe rag!!
I always thought my H would be there for me and so it was a real shock when he told me about his A. Like you, I take my Marriage vows VERY seriously, and would never consider going outside the marriage to look for comfort with a significant other. My H did tell me that he wasn't looking for sex but companionship and affection when he went elsewhere, (didn't stop him taking the sex on offer though although he said it was pretty dire).
Some people just don't know why they are unhappy and even though most people would be envious of the life that the unhappy person is leading it doesn't make it any better for the unhappy person.
I was extremely unhappy, and it wasn't until I found the energy and drive within myself to seek help through a clinical psychologist that I started to face my demons and move on. It was via this process that I opened up to my husband about how I felt I had lost him somewhere along the line and that I wanted him back. That in turn prompted him to tell me about his A.
I guess the tough thing is that one has to WANT to open up and it sounds like your wife isn't at that point yet. It does take a lot of guts.
When your W used to go out with OM before OM was married were you also on the scene and dating your W to be? Is there any question that your wife came to you on the rebound? Did you settle for being second best to her when you got together? I only ask these questions to try and gauge your wifes state of mind when she entered into the marriage with you. Has she ever worked at your relationship or have you always had to be the one to compromise and make changes?
If you have a good time out at dinner I wouldn't then go out dancing without her. Try to do something else she might want to do. I would only go off and leave her if she really appears not to be intersted in your company after dinner - it may be that she would just like to be with you and continue talking or go somewhere to listen to music etc...
My H and I are trying really hard to make time for ourselves, (which is hard with four children!!). Trips to the theatre and the cinema and even just long walks together are good. Even so I still have some real low days, (today being one of them). In the middle of everything going OK I can suddenly get the urge I want to punish him and I SOOOOOOO want to hurt the OW for the doubt she has brought into my marriage. To me it feels like she wonders around without a care in the world leaving havoc and rage and upset behind her.
I don't think GAL should push her further into depression. From what you have said its pretty clear that she could join you in that process with open arms. Can't answer the question about winning the lottery, (wish I could), but when it comes to the feeling wanted issue I think most people need to be wanted but that is not the same as being pursued and it is also not the same as saying you will always be there for her. If she thinks that whatever she does you will always be there then what is there to stop her walking all over you and your feelings. A doormat is something you wipe your feet on not kiss hug and cherish - once you've cleaned your shoes on it you don't tend to think about it again until you shoes need wiping again.
Somehow your wife needs to realise what a great guy you are and I think the fact that she has accepted your dinner date is good.
From where I'm standing you seem to be doing so well!!
I would think twice about refilling your meds or at least if you do can you give it to someone close to you to look after so that it takes an effort to get the medication if you are tempted? Remember that it will take a while for the natural endorphins in your body to build up to fight pain naturally.
Cheering you on
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
