Getting started

[waw1978]

Hello all. I did have a very long convo with DH and related to him that I really am trying to work through my feelings. I don't want to hurt him in the process, which is part of the reason things went unsaid for so long. But now that everything is out in the open I can't really hold back these things anymore or else we will never make progress.

I know that having R talks isn't always the best idea but we were both feeling really awful and needed to clear the air or else the situation was going to deteriorate even more. He really needs more communication from me to feel comfortable but I told him I can only give so much because it feels smothering to me to do more than I am doing.

We talked about me moving out and he took it better than expected. But then he was pressuring me about an answer on whether or not I am still going on this trip with his family to LA/Vegas in August. 8 days with his WHOLE family. I told him its 8 weeks away and a lot can happen in that time but if we didn't make sufficient progress than I wasn't going to go. I explained to him that if we went on this trip and I was miserable the whole time then that would be it. I think the marriage in my mind would be over and I don't want to risk that. He on the otherhand is thinking this is just what we need to rekindle things. Still not getting that a motorcycle or a trip isn't going to fix our problems. Only time, work and lots of counseling is going to make a difference. I told him about this site so maybe he will come on here and read and post and learn something since he is not willing to read any books.

Oh and he bought the motorcycle anyway. I am not opposed to this but he seems fixated on it being his ticket to fixing the marriage. I guess its his way of GAL'ing so I am all for it. I told him I was happy for him since he seemed really excited to have a bike again. He had one while we were dating so maybe this is a way from him to try and get back to the man I married.

We see the MC again tomorrow. DH is going to ask about seeing him on his own for IC sessions. I wasn't sure if this was allowed or not but DH seems to get on well this man so I hope thats possible. I have my own IC that I have been seeing for a couple years and its helped me clear up things in my head.