"I'm only going to go to counseling so people will think that I'm trying,"
I just have to comment on this one Choc.
As much as we (the BS) would love to think that when our S says they will go to counselling with us it also means all contact has been broken off with the OP, we are only deceiving ourselves.
I would venture to say that the majority of the betrayers are still in contact, in one form or other, with the OP. It seems there are a lot of people even on these boards that can vouch for that. Now, is that a good thing? Heck no! And I totally agree that before you can start working 100% at repairing the damage an A has caused, the OP has to be out of the picture totally. However, that is not usually reality.
My H and I went for counselling for 10 months and it was discovered several times during that time period that my H was still in contact with the OW - yes, he was weening himself off and the visits and/or telephone calls were getting less and less but he was still doing it. And I am NOT the only one this has happened too
Maybe she is going to counselling so that people will think she is tryig but it is better than her not going at all isn't it? In one of the books I read (can't remember which one) the author's H tells of how he and his wife were counselling people and preaching about marriage when he knew he was deceiving her himself. This eventually got to him and he confessed and turned his life around. Maybe the MC will eventually get through to your wife too and put enough guilt into her that she will want to turn her life around too.
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
