Okay... I've looked at your thread, and what you wrote above, and will share my thoughts...

You were married to your husband for 7 years. Looking back objectively, were they good years? Did your husband do a lot of nice things for you? Did he help out? Was he good with the kids? Did he buy you nice things, give you compliments once in awhile, etc... ????

Now do those 7 years mean nothing?

I understand these last few months or so have been painful and his wanting a separation has been hard. But we marry for "better or worse/ sickness or health" and sometimes health includes mental illness, confusion... etc..

My husband might have put me through hell (many times! Although I haven't always been easy to get a long with either...), but there were a lot of good things too. More times than not he was there when I needed him, he gave me nice things, took care of me, has been a great father and a good friend. I figured I wasn't going to forget the good he has done for me in the past just because he was struggling with things in the present. And is it fair for me to be angry and blame him for leaving? Wouldn't it be worse to force someone to stay? I love this person and loving him I want him to be happy and if that's with or without me I'm going to support him.... Anyhow, can I be his friend? Well, I've learned friends don't always meet our expectations, they don't always do exactly what we wish and sometimes they hurt us (usually not on purpose.. I don't think your husband is trying to hurt you. From everything you describe he's much nicer than most. At least it's only distancing, not outright meanness. My husband was really mean!!!).

Anyhow, onto your lunch. Wow!!!! That went very well. He had a great time with you, even texted you and GOSH!!! He invited you to join him and his friend. I remember that being one of my goals. And I was very pleased when it finally happened.

So, what you MUST do is continue to try and be a non-pursuing friend. What that means is avoiding relationship talk as much as possible, but letting him pour out what he's thinking, feeling, etc... about his life. Even if it's just work and the kids. There are things bothering him and he needs someone to talk to or just to talk and RELAX... let him do that. Relationship talk isn't going to let him relax. You need to let him de-stress when he's with you. Then he will associate good, positive relaxing throughts with BEING WITH YOU and he will DESIRE to be with you!!!! You will be providing what he needs. Not creating stress. I have a feeling he really needs that. The fact he appreciated it and said that to you and wished to spend more time talking to you and invited you to join him tells me he needs what you provided today.

Don't hesitate to invite him places, just don't expect him to come and make those invitations sound really flexible and "non-demanding." For example, "Hey, we're having a bar-b-que on the 4th, if you don't have other plans, you're welcome to stop by." He mentions how everyone wants him to come to their gig and you can laugh and say... "Wow, so popular!!! Well, wherever you decide to go, I hope you have a great time.... But if you get bored or decide to party hop, you can always drop in on us for a few moments.... or maybe some other time.... if you get bored you're always welcome to call...." Then change the subject.

I wouldn't ask him if he's happier or doing anything to improve himself. Since he's not sure what he wants to do with his life, he probably wouldn't say anything to get your hopes up at this time. I think he's trying to avoid giving you any sense of false hope and you need to accept that. Until my husband could commit to the relationship again, he avoided giving me any sense of wanting to get together. Like for example, your husband's comments about your house being "your" house. Of course, he's not going to talk about it as both your house because he's uncertain where he's going at this point. You need to stop expecting more. That stress will only push him away from you. Remember things can change, but you will need to be PATIENT.

There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.