Thanks for your inputs , I liked the playground analogy.
Last night I phone home from work just to let W know that I would be home ( was a possibility of needing to go out of town ). I could tell she was upset by her voice. When I got home she was distant and unhappy , drinking as well. She has been drinking most nights , not a lot but 3 or 4 I guess to take the edge off. I stayed upbeat and happy through the evening and W was quiet.
I was tired so went to bed at same time as W , after a while when I was almost asleep W asks "what if I was to take D with me ?" I asked have you decided to take that place? W "thats not what I asked" M " sorry I was half asleep " W " will you make it difficult for me " M "not at all , but remember D has not had 6 mths to get used to this idea so lets be carefull how we deal with this"
In the end we discussed W moving and having D on "visits" so that D still retained a link to home for a start , not changing school etc.
Then
W " it would be better if you left " M " I have thought about it " W " Well " M " Its not me that wants out " W " What about your mates that have left home " M " thats because they have wanted out to chase other R's " W " thats not fair" M " The door is wide open for you , I can no more make you stay against your will than you should make me leave against mine. " W "I am angry now , you should leave me alone"
Which I did.
Thats a slightly shortened version of the conversation, I know you are supposed to agree with everything but there is no way I was going to give any indication that I would move and that shut the conversation down.
I dont know if I am doing the right thing here by not agreeing to move as I dont want to disrupt D's life.
