Yesterday she was right back to her old hateful self. She was suppose to go out with her work friends after work, and so she could do that I went to go pick up the kids at her mom's house. While I was over there picking them up, she walks into the door. I was like, what happened, I thought you were going out with your work people? She said I dont like those people anymore. Guess she had a nightmare day at work, the bits of the story I got was that she took her work shirt off, threw it in the trash and started walking out the door to quit. Her boss then begged and begged her to stay.
I got kind of pushy with her when I kept asking what happened and she just said "STUFF, OK!!". She never did tell me what exactly happened, but whatever it was she was totally pissed off. She wouldnt hardly look at me nothing. I called her later that night to see if she was doing ok, she just said I'm a big girl and can take care of myself. I just told her I know she doesnt need me for anything, but I just wanted to let her know that I still care if she is doing ok or not.
Couple days ago I asked her if she would want to try and go out and do something with me tonight, she said she didnt know. I asked her yesterday if she knew, still said she didnt know. I suppose I should back off now and wait for her to get a hold of me.
That doesn't sound like she was being hateful to you, she was upset about work. Let her come to you if she wants to discuss it, just let her know you're there for her if she wants to talk.
You're still trying to force the issue, let things progress naturally. Show some confidence in yourself in NOT having to drive everything in the direction YOU want it right now. Let things calm down over a bit of time and see what comes about. You'll be fine!
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
She ended up coming over last night. We went to the store and picked some things up. Then she hung out for a little bit over here. We listened to music and played with the kids, I made her a CD of some songs she wanted. But the whole time she was still distant and still trying to block me out. I must admit it felt like she was a little more open than she was before, but not much. Then again that could just be my own wishful thinking.
I am starting to wonder if this is even worth it anymore. How much more of this up and down can I take? Right now my ultimate ending would be for her to come back and we could all be a family again, but I feel alot more of myself questioning could that even be possible, and starting to wonder if I would even want to risk having to go thru this all over again.
A part of me thinks it might be best just to go completely dark with her, if she wants me back she'll come back, if she dont then I'll be over her quicker. Then again what feels natural to me is to be her best friend and hope for the best. She has afterall filed for a divorce, going to court, ect. I just am so torn between my emotions right now I dont know what to do. I am really starting to question my own sanity on why I keep myself open to this hurt.
I am really starting to question my own sanity on why I keep myself open to this hurt.
As do many of us brother...
H-36 W-38 Married 14yrs Together 17 2 Children (D12, S15) 9/20/05 - Seperated 4/23/07 - Dbomb dropped 4/25/07 - I Love you, not in love "If it's not hard, it's not worth fighting for."
As I already said, stop trying to control the situation. You can't.
Think you'll be unable to love your W again when you get back together? Why would you be able to love another woman then? You think she wouldn't be capable of hurting you - or you her, for that matter? Are you going to continue to live your life for other people or for yourself? Granted, when you're married, you are part of a team, as the Bible says you are ONE. But you don't give up your own individuality any more than your W does. It means you work to make each other feel loved, to feel important, to MATTER in the relationship. Your W is feeling undervalued for some reason. I don't know what it is, but that feeling of being valued doesn't come overnight.
My W won't even talk to me dude, yet I'm living, I'm doing things that are good for me. She filed for D on day 1 of our separation, 3 months ago, and I'm not divorced yet. I'm still living. If my W comes to her senses and decides she can give us another chance, she'll benefit, but I'm not living for her - I have NO idea if she's coming back so how can I live FOR HER???
You have no idea if your W will come back either. But are you living for her or for you? Make the choice to live for you, then when she comes back you'll be prepared to help her feel loved to improve your marriage for the long term. If she were to come back now with you in your current state of mind, you'd both fall back into old habits and you'd end up right back here.
Take the time to learn to love yourself, appreciate what you have, and be ready for your W to come back AND be ready for her to NOT come back. When you quit NEEDING her to come back, then you'll be ready.
Good luck dude, be grateful you at least get to see her sometimes. You don't know how lucky you are.
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
Guess this is my good bye. After three months of this, combined with my wife's assorted mental illnesses, throw in she has already filed for a divorce, I have finally given up, and I am not sad about it, I am damn happy I finally decided I am worth more than this b.s., I am not wasting another second of my life on her madness. Did I say it feels good?
While I may have not been successful at stopping my divorce I know I did absolutely everything possible, and after tons of soul searching I realized I wasnt that bad of a husband in the first place, my wife was just wacked out with her own issues that I have finally been able to set myself free from. However using the DBing GAL approach I have been able to move on with my life. Even if your marriage doesnt get saved, its still worth the effort
Best of luck man. I don't have a time line at this point. I won't set that time line until a divorce is final. But we each have our own reasons. I hope life treats you well.
H-36 W-38 Married 14yrs Together 17 2 Children (D12, S15) 9/20/05 - Seperated 4/23/07 - Dbomb dropped 4/25/07 - I Love you, not in love "If it's not hard, it's not worth fighting for."
