You may be right about this; she does seem the jealous type. But I'm also thinking about the tubal pregnancy and then the 2nd pregnancy, which may have been an early miscarriage. The emotions from these pregnancies and the need to grieve for the tubal pregnancy may still be a lingering emotional problem for her. Some people don't just bounce back. She may be questioning if she will ever be able to have more children. And she may be depressed.
Sara is absolutely right because sometimes we may suffer from post patrum depression but not just after having a baby and for different circumstances. I am not a nurse, but I was told that some of my depression was immediately after I weaned my last baby. Post lactation depression. I was moody and down and had no desire to be a wife, only a mom. I ached to be pregnant again and then I felt depressed. The hormones in my body surged and since I had to "Perfect Mom" at home and at work the only place I could feel safe falling apart was with my H who, in the past was always a rock for me. Your wife may be testing you, unfortunately, the way I tested my H. I pushed him away and now, he is away. Of course, him getting worked up over some OW doesn't help matters when my boobs were just for the baby!
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
Go do have fun with your family but do not be disappointed if it is not enough. Remember that a magic vacation or weekend away can lead to disappointment and can be a set up for failure. It can also be a reminder of how good things can be, BUT-BIG BUT, if she really is depressed and/ or inscure, she has to own her problems too.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
But I'm also thinking about the tubal pregnancy and then the 2nd pregnancy, which may have been an early miscarriage. The emotions from these pregnancies and the need to grieve for the tubal pregnancy may still be a lingering emotional problem for her. Some people don't just bounce back. She may be questioning if she will ever be able to have more children. And she may be depressed.
Sara,
You are right, we both never really grieved over these two miscarriages. She had a miscarriage before we had D3. We were trying so hard to conceive and she was getting depressed about this. She said that she would have to have one more miscarriage before the doctor could suggest anything for us. She mentioned possibly adopting if she could not have more kids. She loves kids so much. She use to teach before D3 was born. She would always say how she wants to go back to it, but we didn't want to put D3 into day care. The sad part is that her brothers just had babies within the last year and she sees them a lot because they are a very close family. Her other sister-in-law works with her and brings her baby to work every day. So, she has to always see what she wasn't able to get. I am sad too. I want more kids and I started to wonder if I am the problem or what is going on. Any ideas?
OneWish's Story
"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."
OW - in regards to miscarriages........has she been checked for PCOS? It can cause a high rate of infertility issues......
If she hasn't been checked for that, they check her ovaries with a sonogram, and test her blood - they check insulin levels, hormones and thyroid I believe. There are more tests they can do to check her fertility but some are not pleasant - there is one to check her tubes and make sure they're clear - involves injecting dyes and from what I've read is MOST uncomfortable.
Have you had yourself checked?
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
OW - in regards to miscarriages........has she been checked for PCOS? It can cause a high rate of infertility issues......
What is PCOS? Her OBGYN stated that she may have endometreosis (however you spell it!...lol). They are not sure. They said it would require exploratory surgery and my W was not in favor of this. She is RH-, which fights off sperm cells? I can't remember, but she is RH-. They gave her pills to combat it. She was also taking prenatal pills when we were trying to conceive. She was researching on the internet all kinds of things to try to help us.
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If she hasn't been checked for that, they check her ovaries with a sonogram, and test her blood - they check insulin levels, hormones and thyroid I believe. There are more tests they can do to check her fertility but some are not pleasant - there is one to check her tubes and make sure they're clear - involves injecting dyes and from what I've read is MOST uncomfortable.
I don't think she has had any of these tests. They said that after 3 consecutive miscarriages, they will start to look into what they can do and what is causing this.
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Have you had yourself checked?
My W did say one day that I may be having problems. My initial response, was no way! I am healthy, I have never smoked, social drinker, I am too healthy. Then after some thought, I started to think that it would not hurt to get checked. I would be willing to get checked out. I hope that we can have more kids together. Is there a test? What do you know about it?
OneWish's Story
"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."
PCOS - PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome - basically your ovaries don't release the eggs for whatever reason and they build up in the ovaries and turn into cysts...if the eggs aren't being released or if they're released later or earlier than "normal" ovulation - that could cause problems.
Do you know if she ever charted? Checked her temp every morning at the same time to see if she was ovulating.
Endometriosis could DEFINITELY be causing infertility - it's scarring of the tubes, etc. and could make the egg passing through difficult.
As far as you - they can check your guys out and see your # of swimmers, how many are "good" for fertilizing, etc.
Don't presume it's all on her though - that could be an issue too - if you both want kids. She could feel it's all her (and if she has endo it could be her) and then you apply guilt by assuming it's her body that must be wacked out......
Not saying you DID that but it kinda sounded that way in the previous post. My apologies if that wasn't the case.
P.S. Endo isn't a death sentence for having more kids as my sister has a very healthy (FAT! ) 4 month old baby boy and she has it - although they did tell her if she wanted kids, she should do it sooner rather than later.
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
One- Like everything else these days, infertility is a speciality. She needs to be evaluated by a gynecologist who specializes in infertility. He should do a full work-up on her to identify any and all problems. A regular Gyn doesn't have the equipment to do all the necessary tests, and may waste your time, emotions and money on older tests that prove very little. You would be seen by a urologist, and after a full work-up on both of you. a diagnosis would be made.
If she is feeling that she might never be able to have kids again, then you are dealing with more than just jealousy on her part. Or she may be afraid that she will get pregnant again and have another tubal pregnancy! Without asking, you cannot know what is going on in her mind. In either case, speaking to an infertitlity specialist about these problems might help.
Not saying you DID that but it kinda sounded that way in the previous post. My apologies if that wasn't the case.
I never blamed her. It stressed us both out. Thanks for the info. This was a very difficult thing for us when we were trying to conceive. My W felt frustrated because she wasn't getting many answers. Nobody really knew anything and they suggested exploratory surgery.
OneWish's Story
"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."
I received papers from my W's atty this week. Basically, my W met with her atty and drafted what my W feels is 'fair' and they want me to look over the docs and sign them. I am not SIGNING anything. We need a MAJOR overhaul on the docs. I am not budging, this is MY life and I am not going to let her get her way just because she continues to blame me for everything and doesn't want to work on things.
My mother has been in the hospital since Tues for surgery. They thought that she had a clogged artery, but it was a misread. She is a smoker and they said her oxygen is low. My boss told me to leave work early on Friday. I texted my W and told her that I would be there around 11am, she said okay. I texted back thanks! I arrive at the office and she has her two sister-in-laws and their kids. D3 starts crying that she doesn't want to go. I am tired of going through this when her cousins are there. Once she leaves, she is fine. I think quick. I am like, I am just going to take her and just leave. We don't have time for this. My W then says, hey I wanted to talk to you about something. I said, okay. She said that she wants me to sign the D papers immediately and not to make her go to conciliation counseling. I told her that I have not yet received them and when I do, I will go through them and make changes. She said we can do that, but in front of my atty. I told her that we don't need your atty to make changes. We can sit down and figure things out and then have your atty make the changes. My W said that my visitations with D3 would be 1-2 night visits a week and she'll spend the night on Friday or Saturday. I told her right away, I want more time. I said I want D3 every other Friday - Sunday and two nights a week. I said can we sit down and figure this out. She said yes. (At least she is WILLING)! I then picked up D3 and said that I am leaving. I made a point to tell my W that I did make a poor choice to leave and do what I did. I then said that this is what YOU are choosing to do and that is end the marriage instead of work on it. Ooohhh she got fired up. She started yelling and cussing. She said that I abandoned them and her atty knows. I then told her that she was breaking stuff, etc. I told her that I am not going to argue, I am leaving. I leave pissed. D3 is crying the whole time, 15 minutes that I was there. I put D3 in the car seat and am ready to go.
My W comes outside crying. She said that she has been trying to be so civil with me and that she has so much anger and hates me. That is strange. I should have told her that the opposite of love is apathy or indifference, not HATE...lol...I just blew her off. I told her that I am moving on with my life, just got a nice apt, blah, blah. She said that she doesn't care to hear about me. I told my W that my heart hurts because D3 now has to suffer for her choice to end the marriage. She said that D3 will be fine. I told her that she is always asking me to spend the night, live with you, and wants the other parent when we are apart. I then suggested D counseling with our previous counselor. My W said that she will go, after the process starts. I told her fine, I will look at the docs when I receive them. W then gave D3 a kiss goodbye and said that she still wants to go to the circus with us.
I go to the hospital to see my mom. They are suppose to discharge her. D3 never saw her there, so I take her there. D3 is still crying all the way up there. After 15 minutes at the hospital, she calms down and starts interacting with my mom. When I am leaving, I texted my W and told her that D3 barely stopped crying. My W calls immediately and I missed her call. She then calls back again and I answer. She asked what happened and I told her that she has been crying and emotional. I told my W that we can't be arguing like that anymore. She said you are right especially not in front of D3, I said not at all. It is not healthy and we both get all worked up. She said, you are right. I then suggested that when we talk, we should dialogue like at Retrouvaille. She laughed and said, we don't need to dialogue. She said that she is confortable with texts and e-mails. I said that is fine. My W then asked about my new place. I told her that I am going to sign the papers with D3 right now. She said that is great because she doesn't want D3 around smoke (my parents smoke).
So weird. I think she is bipolar. At her office she was all grouchy, emotional, irrational, spiteful, disrespectful! Then when she is by herself, she is calm and friendly towards me.
I took D3 to look at 3 sets of apts. I loved each experience. Every office that I went into, there was women there staring at the two of us and making comments on how cute D3 is. The first office that I went into there was another lady in there with her daughter and they were both over there staring, giggling, and whispering. In my head, I was thinking this is a great start for me. Part of GAL. The complex that I chose is brand new, nice quiet area. I am so excited.
I get a call from my cousin at 8pm. I then receive a text that I have a new VM. I called it and ironically, it was my W leaving a message. She said that she is really missing D3 and would like to talk to her. She asked me if I could dial her number and put the phone up to D3's ear and tell her to talk. She said to tell D3 that she loves her. I did not call. We were busy. This is reality.
When she calls today, I will tell her that I will drop her off around 6pm or she can drive all the way over here to pick her up at 4pm. I use to always pick up D3 and take her all the way home. No more of that! She can start picking her up. I am tired of being Mr. Nice Guy.
At this point, I am letting go and focusing only on my new apt. and D3.
OneWish's Story
"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."
) 4 month old baby boy and she has it - although they did tell her if she wanted kids, she should do it sooner rather than later.