TAL reading about your situation on someone else's thread, and given the more information on your husband, I would be very surprised if he doesn't have sexual compulsion issues that are tied to escaping into fantasy and porn use as an "escape hatch".
It's not that porn and fantasy are necessarily bad things but their use can impede actual intimacy between people for many. I think of it as people become tend to become "sexual performers" performing stunts and tricks while they ignore the idea of being "sexual partners".
It maybe that some of your feelings may just be a reaction to your husbands sexual acting out.
I hope that both intimacy and eroticism can exist in a marriage but know it is difficult to balance the two.
