I just want her to come home!

[Nomopo]

Very sorry you find yourself here, but glad you found us. A few things:

I have ordered DB and DR, hopefully they are here early next week I can't wait to read them.

Excellent. If there is a way to go to the library today or tomorrow or Saturday, I would. Read the first six chapters of DR. It'll take a couple of hours, and well worth. (See below for a summary of principles by a success story - JenJam.)

You want some GREAT NEWS? You got here this fast, and ordered the books this quickly after the bomb. This is excellent. It took me almost two years of making things worse. So feel good about that.

I'm standing her just lost. I've cried over this way to long.

This is normal, but your right, the faster you can get control of your emotions, and focus on yourself, the sooner you will formulate and follow your plan designed to both (1) improve yourself for you and (2) give you the best chance for saving your M.

Yesterday, I decided that I was going to live me life, make the necessary changes in me that i can control, the ones that drover her away.

Excellent. The perfect attitude.

She came over last night and wanted to fight, I refused, she was so lost she couldn't believe the sudden change. She tried for 2 hours, until she finally went "well I'll let you have the bed and I'll sleep on the couch."

Your DBing already!

I told her she had to leave, she abandoned me and this house and has a new boyfriend and at this time it wouldn't be appropriate and i don't want my son more confused than he is.

Ok, some you drew some boundaries. That is fine. Just make sure you draw boundaries that really matter to you. It sounds like you did in part - eg, you're not welcome here while you are having an A. I assume that is just not acceptable to you, and you are willing to draw a line in the sand even if it means a D. But the abandonment? Is that really a reason to keep her out of the house? Is anger and a desire to blame her or be "right" going to drive your decisions. Get past anger, hurt and blame and do what you want to do to bring you closer and to find solutions.

Last night, he asked if I missed him and he told me he missed me, he is two, I just broke down.

I know, it sucks. Sorry.

She keeps calling me and doing all she can to help, but unfortunetly my brother in law is in town just pushing this thing. He is rather immoral and sleeps around on his wife. I have never trusted him.

You can't control him either, and neither of them control your W (though he may influence her, but you can't control that). Try not to worry about BIL, and I would listen to MIL and perhaps thank her for the support, but her involvement vis-a-vis your W is more likely to hurt than help.

Other than my boy, everthing seems to be going alright, lines of communication are open, the tension has decreased.

There is lots of hope. Start Dbing right away. Focus on yourself, awhat you can control Don't chase or pursue her at all. Look for solutions - changes in your behavior in the things you do in the buttons you push that lead to things being better between the two of you. If it works, do it again. If not, don't. It's that simple.

What do i do about our anniversary. It is this Sunday and while I want to make her dinner, feed her choclate strawberries I just get the feeling it won't happen. Sorry laughing at myself is helping at this point. I was going to send flowers with a friendship message. Should I even acknowledge it? What do I do?

I woud either do nothing or give her a simple card - not too lovey - that says Happy Anniversary. I wouldn't do anything else, no gifts, no flowers and certainly no starwberries, dinners, affection etc. Now if she initiates, and you want to follow her lead, then that could be alright. But man, do not pressure her. Only follow her lead.

Oh yeay, I almost forgot - very important - NO R TALKS AT ALL!!!!!

Good luck, keep posting, check out other threads, and post words of advice/encouragement/appreciation,

Nomopo