thank you so much for your care and thoughtful opinion. It means a lot to me. To be perfectly honest, I can't fathom being HAPPIER broken up. I just don't see it with us, but I am at a point where I feel like I don't know what to do anymore.
Well, I posted briefly earlier, but didn't really get into what happened and what was actually said last night. When he came home, my friend Chris had just called to make sure I didn't want to come over. Based on how hateful our phone calls had been, I started to reconsider. Let me make something clear. I am considered a very confrontational person and very direct by most everyone I meet. I do NOT avoid conversations with him or conflict. The opposite actually, to my detriment. One of his big complaints about me is that I won't let an argument end. As a result, yesterday, our kids were witness to us fighting in a big way. It was sad. When he first walked in the door, an outside observer would not have known anything was wrong. We didn't mention dinner, he said he was taking Mari to Home Depot with him to pick up a few things. (It's just down the road from us.) I didn't expect he would be gone long, but didn't really know. My friend called while he was gone and I thought it might be a decent way for everyone to spend the evening. When he came home and I mentioned it, I suggested he stay home with our son, who was sleeping and I just take our 4 yo. He scoffed and said, "I guess so." Clearly not an idea he liked. I said, "Why do you act like being home with just Sam is so horrible?" He said, "I don't - you put that on me! Maybe *I* wanted to go somewhere!" I said, "Where were you wanting to go, Joey?!" He said, w/o looking at me, "I don't know, maybe a BAR!" I was really bothered by his response though and said, "Never mind, I will happily take Sam with me." I went to get ready. Our daughter said, "Daddy, are you going?" He was laying face down on the bed and muttered, "No, honey, Daddy's not invited." I was just exasperated and angry at this point. I said, "Joey, that is not true! You have never shown any interest in hanging out with Chris and I. Quit dragging our children into this." His hatred and sarcasm was really getting to me. I tried talking to him and he was just LIVID. He said some of the things I numerated above and I TRIED to explain my side of things, calmly and rationally. I said that I was not trying to make things worse, and I was sorry if I had. I talked about what he could eat for dinner. He said in a snotty voice that he wasn't staying there. I was TRYING to be kind and repsectful, but we kept arguing as I was trying to get out the door and he was completely hateful.
I left. I ate a bunch of brie and salmon and drank a lot of wine. Had a terrific time and aside from a minute or two, I did not discuss Joey or our sitch. Kids had a great time and I came home and put them to bed.
Joey walked in around 11:30. He threw a restaurant to go box in the fridge and walked past me, in a cloud of smokiness. (He does not smoke, but this told me that he probably went to the pub down the street from us.) I said hello and he returned it in a somber tone. He went into the bathroom for a minute and when he came out, laid down on the bed, face down. I laid down next to him and in a calm, almost sweet voice, said that I was sorry if I had made things worse that day, it had not been my intention at all. I spoke for about another minute and ended with, "ok?" in a soft voice. Silence. I said, "I'm trying to be nice; I would appreciate a little reciprocation." He muttered that he didn't feel good and he didn't want to talk. I said, "I'm not trying to get you to talk, I spoke to you and said OK?" I can't remember, I think he muttered something or maybe he was silent. He went into the bathroom (to throw up I think) and I just kind of felt like I was banging my head against concrete. I washed my face, and think I heard him wretching in the bathroom. When he came out, I had a bottle of asprin on his side of the bed and water on the nightstand. He ignored both. I went to sleep next to him at about 12.
This morning, I woke about 8:45 to Mari crying in my face, saying, "Daddy left w/o saying goodbye!!" This is a regular thing. She is devastated if he leaves without saying goodbye. I tried to comfort her and started my morning.
