It doesn't matter if you get your rocks off looking at bra ads in the Sunday paper--what matters is that you and she have the same idea about what is permissable and what is not.
If she "found" the Playboy, that means you "hid" it. Unless it was in a box of your old college stuff (and it was that old of an issue). Magazines, internet activity, whatever. If your W didn't know about it because you were lying about it and hiding it, you were cheating. Hiding stuff is cheating. Lying is cheating.
I had one GF who was addicted to porn when I met her. We watched some of her stuff together ONCE. Let me tell you it put a completely different spin on things for me to see her lusting after these well-hung, buff studs. How would you feel if your W was doing that? Do you think it might make you feel a little inadequate?
You two should have figured this one out before you got married. Bottom line now though, is this: you have to choose between your wife and your computer habit.
When it comes to this discussion, try this. Let her interrupt. Do not interrupt her. Wait until there is silence before you speak again. Validate her feelings by starting off with, "You are right about that."
Do not make excuses. Do not blame this on your recent sexual frustration with her. Do not try to spread or deflect the blame.
You said you think "looking around" is human nature. Obviously your W does not. If it is YOUR nature, and you hid that from her until after you were married, that's your own fault. Time to fix it, if you really care about your marriage.
