Why do these things happen V

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Yes I am, not saying it is perfect by any standards. All I can do is what I can do.
I was reading one of the sub threads about "going dark", in reading a post by jj I think "going grey" would suit my situation better. While reading them I came to the conclusion that going dark is not what would do my wife/myself any real good at the moment. We will go 3 out of the next 5 weeks without seeing each other, now while I believe that is a good thing at the time, I think when we are both in town I do not need to avoid her. I will let her initate all phone calls or contact. With this in mind I will still be doing my best to detach and be in the best mood possible around her.
In listening to her talk, I know not suppose to put much into it, but her words made me think. She did not actually say anything straight forward, but I get the feeling she does want me to be on my own for now, she wants me to find out who I am, and to figure out what my life is all about. Those are all things that I have lost over the last 20 years. By just fixating on her, I am not doing much of any thing for my own problems. So that is about were I sit for the present moment.