In need of help

[sadhearted]

Yeah shame it takes something like this to wake us all up.

We've been seperated once before for 2 months back in 02. He's also left for a week or two a couple other times. Each time he's come back and we've been good. Yet somehow we always end up back here. I think sometimes people think I'm crazy for still wanting my marriage after all this. Fact is I love him. Have since we first got together.

I'm told I shouldn't put too much stock into what he's "saying" because at this point it's still fresh and he's still hurt and even if he wanted to come back right now his pride isn't letting him. I don't know. I mean at one point he told me he didn't want to kick the ball for fear of falling on his back, but the same day told his sister in law that he did want to kick it. Course this has been about a month and now all I hear is I can't come home nothing's changed, I don't see how we can ever be together again.

I think he's confused and he doesn't know what he really wants. I hope at some point he will look in himself and realize he's no happier away from his family then with his family. Don't get me wrong I know I'm partially to blame. I know I wasn't meeting all his needs the way I should have been. But right now I'm the one wanting to make it work and he isn't open to the possibilty.

It's hard not having contact with him. I'm used to the every day contact. And now it's more like weekly contact. Unless he gets a bug and decides he "needs" to tell me something. Which hasn't happened in a while so we aren't talking. I'm trying to not be as available to him also. I haven't logged in to my IM in the last couple days so he hasn't seen me online. He called last night to talk to the kids but I was outside so he ended up leaving a message saying he'd call tonight.

Yeah I'd love some attention too just from my husband. I can't even imagine starting all over with someone else if he ends up asking for a divorce. I have no desire to start over. Call me crazy. lol

Mine has never had an affair. Well I can say that up until this time. I have no idea what he is doing now. But I don't think there's anyone now. I mean nothing to suggest it anyway so why think that way ya know? Sure it's possible just like he can think it's possible with me. As for me NO WAY. One's more then a handful.

Yeah I believe me and my H belongs together also. I really believe that. Hope one day he believes it again too. People have to think I'm nuts to want to keep going. Oh well I have to do what I think is right otherwise I'll live with regrets. Well more then what I all ready have. lol