Really bad news as of today. I feel so exhausted and defeated. I guess you could sum things up as...yes, going to my girlfriends for advice was a bad idea, because it created in me a *sense of entitlement* about the way things are going/treatment I'm getting and my stewing about our sitch seeped through my words and INFURIATED him. I don't even know where to begin with what went on last night. I really did not feel like I said anything so extreme, but he said
1) I've erased all the good of the last two months 2) I am a "rusty anchor" around his neck 3) He feels I have given up, as of last weekend (??) 4) He said I have never understood how much I hurt him (I know the unspoken ending to that sentence is that he wants to go out and do the "same" to me (even though we're married now and it's not 1992) to let me know how it feels 5) He said that I don't even remember/realize that their were SEVERAL people he had sex with during our break, and the fact that those relationships don't bother me today PROVES that I didn't give a sh!t about him.
I'm trying to not spend all day on here b/c when I do, I neglect being with my kids. I have to go for now but will try and post more details later. I know that based on the fact that things are worse today, you guys are gonna slam me. It's ok, I can take it, but you know what, I DID change, we WERE better, and all of a sudden, he got upset again and treated me cold and when I confronted him (gently and respectfully I thought), he copped a "you SHOULD have to take it" attitude. Well, for how long? Indefinitely?? I told him no, I HAVE SHOWN that I am sorry, we dealt with this at the time, we came back together, we married, we had children, we loved each other and built a life. I said, "I respect your feelings. I respect the situation and all that went on. I have apologized many times over how I have hurt you. But I will not apologize for the rest of my life and put up with disrespectful treatment from my husband because I am viewed as a cheating piece of trash who you regret taking back." I believe that he is unhappy, but I am at my wit's end trying to fix the past.
I'm not editing, I'm just clicking submit. Thanks for following along. Even if it seems like I'm immature and not trying, I really feel like I'm painted in a corner and trying very hard not to bite back, but occasionally I do.
It's ok, I can take it, but you know what, I DID change, we WERE better, and all of a sudden, he got upset again and treated me cold and when I confronted him (gently and respectfully I thought), he copped a "you SHOULD have to take it" attitude. Well, for how long? Indefinitely?? I told him no, I HAVE SHOWN that I am sorry, we dealt with this at the time, we came back together, we married, we had children, we loved each other and built a life. I said, "I respect your feelings. I respect the situation and all that went on. I have apologized many times over how I have hurt you. But I will not apologize for the rest of my life and put up with disrespectful treatment from my husband because I am viewed as a cheating piece of trash who you regret taking back." I believe that he is unhappy, but I am at my wit's end trying to fix the past.
