A little confusion. CW and I went out tonite for a beer. I had mentioned it last nite, when I dropped the kids off. This afternoon when I brought it up again, she wanted to go out for a beer.
She wanted to go out for a beer with you. Good thing.
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We went out and were talking about this or that, nothing R related. At one point she brought up something and made the comment, "I don't want this to turn adversarial between us."
What was the point she didn't want to turn adverserial? In general you are not adverserial. Smile and wave.
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She also brought up how she didn't plan to go back to our church. Last week, more than one person ignored her when she said hi, etc. I guess I cannot blame her.
Well that's OK. If the people in your church can only "shun" her and your FIL is hell-bent on making himself feel self-righteous by publicly shaming your daughter, I can understand why she wouldn't want to go. Either way, you can understand and support her decision. That's not adverserial.
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She then said something about everyone feeling sorry for me. That is the last thing I want.
Well MC, you can't stop that from happening. You can continue to live your life well, with adventure and fun. People will see your infectious joy and start to feel sorry for CW. Feeling sorry also means there might be love and concern under there. It's OK for them to hurt for you.
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One minute we are talking etc, and the next she makes a "there will ne no us" comment.
What EXACTLY was the "there will be no us" comment? What was the context?
And...don't believe what she says. She's having a good time with you. You are friends. And friends become lovers, don't they.
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WTH. She wants to be around me, and then says that stuff. It is so hard not to react
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That's why you are here. React here, not in front of her. In fact, her giving you verbal darts are a "test" of your clarity of purpose. Do you fall apart every time she makes some discouraging statement? In the Way of the Superior Man, the remedy for that is to side-step the intensity of the conversation and shock her with your unshakable alpha-male-ness. Tell her, by the way, you look lovely tonight -- real hot.
This happened once to me while were were at the bar waiting to be seated at our dinner table. She was going on about how I'm judging her, and we were clearly disagreeing. The tension was building -- this was going nowhere. When we sat down, I said, "Wow you really look hot tonight." She blushes from ear-to-ear and had a big smile. After that, we has a lovely evening.
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Anyway, last week, I asked her if she wanted to go to a charity concert with me. Right away she agreed to. We talked avout it today and she seems excited to go. WTH.
Yes...she wants to go out with you. We all vote with our feet. What is she DOING? She can blab all she wants about there is "no us", but it seems that y'all (plural) are DOING lots fun things TOGETHER. I don't mean this in a chauvinistic, way, but perhaps you might buy a mute button for CW ;-)
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When I dropped her off, she told me, "You don't have to get out." Does that mean she wants me to or not? She says it in such a way that confuses me.
My guess is that it's a juevenile way of saying, "I have no expectations of you. You won't/can't hurt my feelings if you don't step out and open the door for me." Pure passive-agressive bullshit. I think it means she wants you to.
Actually, who cares what she wants? Do you, Mr. Alpha Male, want to escort her to the door, as any gentleman would? She shouldn't be controlling your behavior, remember? It's another test of your resolve and clarity of your mission in life. Read Daeda's points about the female "energy" constantly testing the male' resolve. Get out of the car, and walk her to the door, because THAT's WHO YOU ARE. Plain and simple. Say who you are, LOUDLY, say it mostly by your actions. IF she can push you away by a simple passive/aggressive fog-induced statement, then how will you ever be the solid rock to anchor her? Like you said on the phone, do what you do, because it's WHO YOU ARE.
