Hello everyone, I am new here and this is my first post. I thought if maybe I could get things off my chest it would help me to feel better. I used to feel as though I was the only one out there experiencing this, but I see now that I am not alone. I am deeply sorry for any of you who have had to experience a loss of affection from your spouse. It hurts deeply and leaves scars that many other people just cannot understand, including the spouse.
My husband and I have been together for 4 years now. The first two years were wonderful and exciting. We were very active with each other and the kids (I have two from a previous marriage). The affection and intimacy was what I had always dreamed of. Stealing looks at each other, little kisses, hugs, holding hands, laughter, playing and the sex was great….and frequent. It seems like it all stopped literally overnight. I still, to this day, do not know what went wrong. I try to talk to him about it, and he gets so angry with me. I cry so frequently, it hurts so badly. He says all I think about is sex. That's so not true. I miss the intimacy and affection. Snuggling, hugs, kisses, jut touching period. There is no sex. It may happen once every two to three months. And when it does, he is so far gone from me. He just gets it done and then he’s done. I don’t get any pleasure. He used to be all about pleasing me, we pleased each other, but now…it’s all gone. So, in the end, he has done his deed so I'll shut up for three more months, and he's left me unfulfilled. I have tried everything. I am a very clean person, hygiene is very important to me. I am not over weight, I do not nag him. I praise him for all he does for us, I keep the house clean (I also work full time), and I try to show him affection if he allows it. The kids stay once a week at their grandparent's house, so we do have the opportunity, he just doesn’t take it. I don't know what to do anymore. I love him, and I have never been unfaithful. He says he is not being unfaithful, that it’s not me, it’s him, etc…etc…I’m sure a lot of you have heard that. I am so sex deprived though; it is really putting a strain on me. I get depressed, I am so lonely. He will ask me why I am sad all the time, and I just shrug it off. When I do tell him it’s because he is so distant, he gets upset, does the whole rolling of the eyes, and walks away. Why does he even ask me, if he knows why I am sad? Does he even care what this does to me? We can still laugh and have fun together sometimes, if he is willing. We used to play darts, pool, ping pong, you name it. We were friends, but at times I feel as though I am just living with a roommate now. He is so distant.
What can I do to make this better? I am sad and lonely and frustrated. I honestly don’t want to get a divorce, but at the same time I don't want to spend the rest of my life in a sexless, unaffectionate relationship.
