My Miracle will come....

[COG]

Ali,

I'm proud of you! You are on the right track. Not necessarily the EASY track, but the right one.

he came home and told me he loved me very much and that he would never do anything to hurt me

Talk is cheap Ali. He hurts you every time he calls you names, and critisizes you, and blames you for things.

He needs me to be stronger and not let dumb stuff bother me.

He needs to understand that something may seem dumb to him, but is very important to YOU. So he needs to let go of his selfish attitude and realize the world does not revolve around HIM! And you are well on the way of letting him know that because you are finally being honest with him about your feelings.

He has put me first for so long and proved his love he has no interest in anyone and the environment is that he can cheat but will not do so , b/c he loves me.

I think the sun must be getting to him. Did'nt he have an affair just a year ago? I think you should definately give him some good strokes for the good things he does for you and your family. Absolutely you should be grateful for that. But he's got long term memory loss.

YOU make me feel like and A@@hole for talking to you like this and I do not want to.

No, he makes himself feel like an A??hole. He's just trying to shift responsibility for his short temper.

You need to let me know what I am doing and that it is right, support me, lift me up , inspire me "

I agree you should do that for him, and HE should do the same for YOU in return.

...everything I do is for you.

That's an exaggeration but in that context, everything YOU do is for HIM too.

I do not understand how he really feels I do not fight for this.

I think you should ask him specifically what he means. Ask him what specific things that you do to indicate you won't fight for this, or you are fighting for this. Does he want you to smile more, or have sex more, or lay down at his feet? What exactly does he mean? Gently, lovingly, supporting, convo to find out how he see's this. Then YOU can adjust, but you just can't be moving blindly.

And I just felt hurt and offended like I am a HIGH MAINTENANACE *B* and I better put up or shut up?

Well sometimes you've just got to let those emotions come and go. Maybe he just needs to vent. That said, there is no excuse for him being rude to you. He needs to adore you, just like he wants you to adore him. And YOU need to be specific to him about the things he does to make you feel adored, and the things he does that make you feel like a worthless dog.

And it was fun , but it would have been more fun had I not had a terrible few days before that. I feel like it is a bribe

You can bet your sweet little a?? it was a bribe. He's a manipulative dude, but you can crush that by being open, honest, and strong. And I'm sorry but you may have to bust his hump every day until he gets it right. So just bust his a?? and then grab his a??. A little loving, then a little more loving.

I think you're doing fine Ali, great actually. Keep up the good work.

Love,

COG