Truth be told every relationship is different. You, or your therapist, must make the decision as to how to proceed. I know that after my husband's affair I was not about to keep silent. Silent was how we got into that mess.
But I do believe that structure is important to keep the conversation productive and not escalating into anger. We learned to communicate through letters to each other where we discussed our own feelings and avoided accusatory statements. This type of thing is best learned and practiced with the assistance of a therapist or the Retrouvaille weekend.
