Don't beat yourself up about the smokes. Your juggling a bunch of chainsaws right now. Take it one moment at a time.
Sounds like you did a great job of having a night with your son, fully engaged in that moment. Just remember what every guest ever said about being on the old Johnny Carson show, they all said it was as if time stopped when you got in that chair and Carson started to dialogue with them. He would look them directly in the eye and act completely interested in whatever it was they were talking about.
I started to apply that with my kids as soon as I read it. It did wonders for our relationships. I didn't know where to start so I started with giving them my full attention. It only took a few times for them to start running up to me as soon as they would see me, pouring out all the details of their day.
Getting your son to tell you a joke is awesome. You're dad of the day!
You already know this, don't put too much into her actions. Detach, detach, detach. Hugs are just hugs, don't think too much about it. I made a similar mistake early on, in desparation I said, "what about sex, you say you don't want to be with me but then you'll have sex with me?" My W's response taught me a quick lesson about putting too much stock in anything they do, she said, "I can have sex with you because..., I can, it's just a physical act, we're both here and we are both safe so why not? That's all it is".
Wow. That hurt. So I learned quickly to not think anything, give any consideration to anything the WAW does. As soon as you do, you start to cling, pursue or desire more and they just aren't there yet.
I treat it this way, if I get hugs/kisses/whatever, great. If not, I'll live, it's really not a need and I'm to the point now where it isn't even a preference. So now, if it happens okay, if it doesn't I'm not hurt nor do I think the R has improved or deteriorated. It just is.
