In need of help

[sadhearted]

You know I read some other posts in here and I think well I've only been doing this a little over a month so maybe I shouldn't get so upset or worried. Sometimes it's just hard to stay calm.

I'm on day 4 of not seeing H and day 3 of not talking. And I know now is the time for me to focus on me and the kids. Some days are harder to remember that then others. I know I can't control what he does or doesn't do. I know I only have control of my actions and reactions. Believe I KNOW all this but it doesn't make it any easier. Hopefully with time I'll get better at it.

I mean there has been no talk of divorce. The only thing that has been said was right after he moved out he came by to tell the kids and told me he wasn't going to rush to file any paperwork unless I wanted him too. Otherwise he said he was going to drag his feet. Which is fine with me. Even better if he never files. I don't want a divorce. Deep down I find it hard to believe that's what he REALLY wants. Course I could be wrong. I had someone tell me the other day well you know him better then anyone else. Which is true, but at the moment it feels like I don't really know him all that well.

Since this has all happened I've opened my eyes and I finally get it. It just hurts that at the moment he has no desire to give me the chance to show him that I get it. He says things like I loved you but right now I don't trust anyone enough to love them and share a life with. I know he's being selfish right now and off finding himself and being happy. Problem with that is he is no happier away then when he was home. You would think since this is what He wanted then he'd be somewhat happier. And I know I need to stop worring about him and worry about me and my kids. I just need to snap out of it....

Still waiting to hear back from the lady on setting up my interview.