My Miracle will come....

[brandnewday]

(((((((Ali))))))))))

Honey, you are trying too hard.

Just be Ali.

He does not yet appreciate who you are because you make it too easy.

If he wants to be a Jackass, then let him go to Friggin McDonalds, his loss.

You are not a doormat, you are a wife, you are a Mother, and most of all you are a Woman first.

You are only responsible for your actions, your behavior, not his.

If the man wants to be an idiot about things, let him.

Do not beg and do not stoop to his level.

I do not know why he finds it so easy to manipulate and control you, but he can only do what you allow him to do to you.

Stop being afraid to be Ali, she seems like a wonderful, gorgeous and sexy Woman, a great Mother and Wife.

[COG]

Ali,

I'm proud of you! You are on the right track. Not necessarily the EASY track, but the right one.

he came home and told me he loved me very much and that he would never do anything to hurt me

Talk is cheap Ali. He hurts you every time he calls you names, and critisizes you, and blames you for things.

He needs me to be stronger and not let dumb stuff bother me.

He needs to understand that something may seem dumb to him, but is very important to YOU. So he needs to let go of his selfish attitude and realize the world does not revolve around HIM! And you are well on the way of letting him know that because you are finally being honest with him about your feelings.

He has put me first for so long and proved his love he has no interest in anyone and the environment is that he can cheat but will not do so , b/c he loves me.

I think the sun must be getting to him. Did'nt he have an affair just a year ago? I think you should definately give him some good strokes for the good things he does for you and your family. Absolutely you should be grateful for that. But he's got long term memory loss.

YOU make me feel like and A@@hole for talking to you like this and I do not want to.

No, he makes himself feel like an A??hole. He's just trying to shift responsibility for his short temper.

You need to let me know what I am doing and that it is right, support me, lift me up , inspire me "

I agree you should do that for him, and HE should do the same for YOU in return.

...everything I do is for you.

That's an exaggeration but in that context, everything YOU do is for HIM too.

I do not understand how he really feels I do not fight for this.

I think you should ask him specifically what he means. Ask him what specific things that you do to indicate you won't fight for this, or you are fighting for this. Does he want you to smile more, or have sex more, or lay down at his feet? What exactly does he mean? Gently, lovingly, supporting, convo to find out how he see's this. Then YOU can adjust, but you just can't be moving blindly.

And I just felt hurt and offended like I am a HIGH MAINTENANACE *B* and I better put up or shut up?

Well sometimes you've just got to let those emotions come and go. Maybe he just needs to vent. That said, there is no excuse for him being rude to you. He needs to adore you, just like he wants you to adore him. And YOU need to be specific to him about the things he does to make you feel adored, and the things he does that make you feel like a worthless dog.

And it was fun , but it would have been more fun had I not had a terrible few days before that. I feel like it is a bribe

You can bet your sweet little a?? it was a bribe. He's a manipulative dude, but you can crush that by being open, honest, and strong. And I'm sorry but you may have to bust his hump every day until he gets it right. So just bust his a?? and then grab his a??. A little loving, then a little more loving.

I think you're doing fine Ali, great actually. Keep up the good work.

Love,

COG

[Delil@h]

Thanks BND~ you are the best. I am arent I? I just feel so confused. I was feeling so strong and now I feel like when we first separated and yet at the same time this morning I am feeling detached or maybe just bitchy , I dunno which it really is. UUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGH~

BTW~ it seems like he is trying to kiss my ass and I am not being receptive. He is falling into his old patterns and I do not want to fall into mine. Last nite he came home drunk and he wanted ML, I had wanted to all day yesterday. But at 2 am no thanks. I declined, he pouted but he lived. ALSO this morning he was showering and told me he loved me.... I just smiled at him.
He then says "hey you didnt say ILY to me"


I dunno you all, help.
I feel like a volcano erupting ....
I am not angry at him, I think I feel like I need to be heard and respected.

I feel like I am in limbo with myself.

UUUGGGH!
GOD BLESS...

[COG]

Ali,

I am not angry at him, I think I feel like I need to be heard and respected.

I hear ya, and I agree with you! You just need to figure out a plan to accomplish that, to communicate that to your H in a way that will motivate him to provide that for you.

It is very selfish and disrespectful for him to come home drunk at 2 am and want sex. He's sick, he's an achoholic, out of control. You need some special help with that, try Alanon.

Now then, I say find some time today to jump his bones. Keep on loving him Ali, give him what HE needs, but keep on fighting for what YOU need too. It'll work out as long as you keep on being the rock, strong, courageous, loving, and supportive. You might read the book Dr. Dobson wrote called "Sometimes Love Must Be Tough". It's a good one, might help you.

I feel like I am in limbo with myself.

Alright now that's not a good thing. Maybe it's time to get regular at the gym again. Hang in there!

God Bless,

COG

[Delil@h]

Thanks COG~

I feel like I am on the right track too but it does seem so unatural to me. I am so used to being SWEET. I still want to be me just stronger.....
He also said the other day re: his temper.

See honey , I am like that with everyone not just you ( SEE I DO HAVE HIM THINKING ABOUT HIS TEMPER ) after he talked to one of his crew members.

I normally would stay quiet.

I said " You know what honey yelling at your employee and me are 2 very different things. I AM YOUR WIFE and THE MOTHER OF YOUR CHILDREN , do not compare me to them, you have tried to say this before. Do not compare me to them, there is no COMPARISON, they work for you, I do not ...... And I DESERVE SO, SO MUCH MORE.

H~ silence.


Maybe what I heard him say ((when he said help me be a better Man was,,,)))
help me to not be an ass anymore by you being awesome and not taking [censored] anymore and loving me at the same time.
HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM, cause I still love him so but I am afraid that now that this part of me has been opened and there is no turning back. No I cant change him but I can choose not to take [censored] anymore. and yes BND, I have been trying hard for far too long.... and I am far too amazing to be a doormat....

You all are the best thank you for your input. It helps me to keep fighting the good fight.
LOVE, Ali

[Delil@h]

Talk is cheap Ali. He hurts you every time he calls you names, and critisizes you, and blames you for things

I agree, so if he wants this to work it is time for him to get his hands dirty too.
Not by force but b/c he will choose to when he sees I am not [censored] around anymore. I promise you all I wont be ugly but enough is enough.
God bless...

[COG]

Ali,

See honey , I am like that with everyone not just you ( SEE I DO HAVE HIM THINKING ABOUT HIS TEMPER ) after he talked to one of his crew members.

That does'nt make it right. He's in denial bigtime. See honey, I act like a jerk to everyone, not just YOU and that make it OK. What a dope! You'll just have to straighten him out Ali!

I said " You know what honey yelling at your employee and me are 2 very different things. I AM YOUR WIFE and THE MOTHER OF YOUR CHILDREN , do not compare me to them, you have tried to say this before. Do not compare me to them, there is no COMPARISON, they work for you, I do not ...... And I DESERVE SO, SO MUCH MORE.

Awesome Ali!! What courage, what grace, what a delivery! Well done! You are my hero!

Maybe what I heard him say ((when he said help me be a better Man was,,,)))
help me to not be an ass anymore by you being awesome and not taking [censored] anymore and loving me at the same time.

BINGO BINGO BINGO BINGO!!! Give this gal the prize! You got it Ali, right on the money. You are a tiger. Are you sure you're not a professional athlete cause you've got the mind of a winner!

so if he wants this to work it is time for him to get his hands dirty too.
Not by force but b/c he will choose to when he sees I am not [censored] around anymore. I promise you all I wont be ugly but enough is enough.

Yeehaw! You got get um girl! I love it, you are just awesome.

The alchohol is going to make your struggle much more difficult though. It takes a special approach. Alchoholics are not thinking like sober people would so you just have to get some education on that so you can deal with it.

You crack me up, what a gift and a blessing you are. Your H see's it, he realizes it, and he's scrambling to make sense of it. Sooner or later he's going to realize that HE'S his own worst enemy, NOT you.

God Bless,

COG

[Delil@h]

You crack me up, what a gift and a blessing you are. Your H see's it, he realizes it, and he's scrambling to make sense of it. Sooner or later he's going to realize that HE'S his own worst enemy, NOT you.

Thank you COG~ I crack myself up baby.....
I aint messin around anymore..... a Woman like me deserves so much more.
And the other day I also got in another "witty" comment. Refering to the garbage he allows himself to be in company with and ended it with but I have nothing to worry about cause I am a LADY not trash.




Maybe this is why I snooped....? Forced me to open my eyes~

I was doing very well but I needed to stop playing it safe and being at his mercy whenever he had a mood.
He wants a fine as hell WOMAN,,, HE NEEDS TO START TREATING ME AS SUCH.

NOT WITH GIFTS,,, WITH HIS HEART ON HIS SLEEVE AND ALL THE LOVE AND RESPECT HE KNOWS IS IN THERE BUT WOULD PREFER TO KEEP UNDER WRAPS TO "KEEP ME IN LINE" give me little bits and pieces...


bYE, bYE..... TO THOSE DAYS OF BEING AFRAID TO TAKE THE FIRST STEP AND RUFFLING HIS PRETTY LITTLE FEATHERS.
You know what I have some pretty fine feathers too and you can ruffle em uP all you want and even spank me TOO. OOOOPS~ but do it with love, integrity and RESPECT!!!!!!!!
Not diamonds, new cars or more lingerie.

Just you all natural and being a REAL MAN, yeah that is what gets me.

THANK GOD, I am not bitter, I will keep moving forward and keep praying for me to get better at this and for him to wake up.


Your H see's it, he realizes it, and he's scrambling to make sense of it.
You see it too COG? He is like what the *&^%? Happened here?

It still is feeling uncomfortable a bit but I need to do this, I have been silent for far too long.
wish me luck......
Love,Ali

[COG]

Ali,

I aint messin around anymore..... a Woman like me deserves so much more.
And the other day I also got in another "witty" comment. Refering to the garbage he allows himself to be in company with and ended it with but I have nothing to worry about cause I am a LADY not trash.
......I was doing very well but I needed to stop playing it safe and being at his mercy whenever he had a mood.
He wants a fine as hell WOMAN,,, HE NEEDS TO START TREATING ME AS SUCH.

NOT WITH GIFTS,,, WITH HIS HEART ON HIS SLEEVE AND ALL THE LOVE AND RESPECT HE KNOWS IS IN THERE BUT WOULD PREFER TO KEEP UNDER WRAPS TO "KEEP ME IN LINE" give me little bits and pieces...

Right on babe! Any you need to continue to communicate this with him in all verbal and nonverbal communication. If he senses one shred of weakness he will exploit it. Be strong for YOU, stand for what is right, and give him all of you that there is to give. You'll knock his sock's off!

It still is feeling uncomfortable a bit but I need to do this, I have been silent for far too long.

The more you practice it, the more comfortable you will become. He'll adapt, and eventually it'll be a normal routine. I think you can still enjoy sex as it was meant to be enjoyed. As a spiritual bonding. No matter what battles the two of you encounter by day, sex is blessed, and should be kept separate, protected, wild and free!

God Bless,

COG

[Delil@h]

If he senses one shred of weakness he will exploit it.

Ok,,, I think I can do this COG. NO, I know I can. And yeah as far as the sex goes... I still remember our "chats" COG.
I am definitely keeping that seperate. the other nite he just about melted..... he didnt know what hit him. Yeah that good~ no exagerration!

Not trying to brag but if he only knew how hard it has been for me to just let go and feel beautiful in bed.

funny now this relatively new me has a higher drive and he will make excuses. But I keep seducing him anyway... when he turns me down or says lets wait "til later. I dont mind cause I am proud of myself and I know just 4 months ago he was complaining I was like this or that re SEX ....

I have come a long way,,, and so yeah even if he makes me angry some, as long as he is not intentionally trying to hurt me..... if I want to be sassy and get frisky I approach him.
Thanks COG~ for the encouragement.
God bless..