I know what you mean. I was wired the same way. My mother would tell me not to cry, never show emotion, just be a man. So I know what you are talking about.
The thing is, I believe I can turn off these feelings now. I have to. If I don't, I ma going to drive myself crazy by checking up on her and seeing that she has called the OM again after not talking to him for at least four months. She reached out to another man recently. She is done right now. If I keep caring about what she is doing, I am not going to be able make it. She has made it known what she wants to do. Leave. Nothing matters with us anymore. She is done. After her session yesterday, she called him. So, if she felt a sense that she needs to think about us and she called him afterwards, I have to come to the realization that she is finished.
She told me again yesterday that she plans to move upstairs. She knew she had told me before, but she decided to tell me again. I almost crashed, but I held it together. I said you already told me that. She said she didn't know if I heard her or not.
I want us to work this out. I want us to be married. But right now, what I want doesn't matter. I am just here for the kids now. They do not understand that daddy made some mistakes and mommy has to leave him. They don't know what is going on and I don't know how to tell them that they will be moving again when mommy gets her finances in order.
