One the money comment, I could either just keep sucking it up or be more aggressive. There was talk a few days ago about "demanding" althought that might be a strong word, the money that I spent to fly the kids home on Sunday from visiting their mom. That is what caused me to mention how much money I'd spent on flights for them in the past week, since she was the one wanting me to book the flights for them. I was trying to let her know how much I spent without demanding $ and leaving it up to her to offer to help with the cost or whatever. Why do you think that looks passive-aggressive HS, how could I have gotten that across better? Thanks for you help guys.
Went from work to the same sports bar as yesterday and watched some baseball and ate a bit while waiting for it to be time for the Marriage Enrichment group meeting to start. My wife called me while I was there and it was kind of noise so the first thing she asked was "where are you" and I told her "sports bar watching baseball and eating." She asked where the kids where, I told her they'd gone swimming and now were heading to a movie. She asked if my mom was with me, I told her no, she was home. I started talking about the baseball games I watched yesterday a little. Then she started talking about D23 and her health insurance. This morning when my wife called me she was asking about when my health insurance thru work would be starting and if D23 was on it. Right now all of our insurance is thru my wife's job. She gets her insurance for free but is paying $300/month for me and the 3 kids and she doesn't want to pay it anymore, wants me to put the kids on my insurance. I told her S13 and S15 and I will be on my insurance but D23 is too old and I don't believe she can be covered. My wife didn't want to keep paying $300 a month to insure D23, I told her that if she dropped everyone else but her it should be cheaper. She said she didn't think so, I told her how my insurance works and she told me she'd check on hers.
She is still irritated at how D23 has trashed the car we loaned her, after 4 months the thing is a pig pen inside, spilled coffee, trash all over it, etc. My wife started asking about where D23 was going to live when she comes to where I live at the end of August to start nursing school. I said she could live in one of the bedrooms upstairs (where my wife used to sleep pre-bomb when she was here visiting). My wife said no, that she'd trash the room and that all my wife's books and stuff was in there, that if D23 was going to live with me that she would get a u-haul and pack up all her stuff and move it out. That D23 would be digging thru her clothes and shoes and stuff and just take whatever she wanted, that my wife didn't want to deal with that anymore, that she was done with D23 and all her crap and chaos and drama, she repeated a couple times about if I let her live here that she was going to pack up all her stuff and move it out. I just listened, validated D23's messy behaviors and that she'd have to keep her mess in her room and not have stuff all over the house and not cause problems. My wife started talking about "what are you going to do, tell her she has no business doing that" and then watch her just keep doing whatever she wants. It was personal attack time and I just let it roll off my back, after enough "what are you going to do about it..." comments with total disregard for me doing anything about it I said "I guess I'll have to grab her by the hair and swing her around if she can't behave..." which was a direct reference to my wife's most hated thing, having her hair pulled since her parents did that to her (not that I'd every actually do that to my daughter). There was more talk about D23 getting her own place, getting her own health insurance, I validated what I could, was silent for the most part on what I couldn't.
Then my wife started asking about her parrot, did I feed it any fruit, kind of ragged on how she feels sorry for the bird and how "she should bring it down there and take care of it." I've been taking care of the bird for a year and a half now, I don't do everything my wife does, but I take good care of it and it has lived this long, I felt like telling her that she was welcome to come take care of it herself if I wasn't doing a good enough job, but bit my tongue.
I asked her if she got my email about the confirmation of the boy's flights, she said no, when did I sent it. I told her not too long after we talked earlier I booked the flights and sent her any email and I told her I put that I'd spent $1000 in the past week on flights. She said "how did you spent that much" so I told her, $500 to fly them back on Sunday and another $500 today for camp. She said she'd pay for the flights to camp, but they were done going anywhere, she'd given them $1000 while they were there and she was done spending so much money on them. I said that her paying the $500 would help and thanks.
She said she was going to workout and so I said to have a good workout and thanks for calling, trying to end the call. She wanted to keep on talking and said "do you know where the American League and National League came from in Baseball?" and I told her no, that I'd hear about them all the time, but didn't know where they'd come from. She then spent a bunch of time telling me all about how they'd formed and what the differences were and about the history and how many divisions in each of them and how the teams were picked for the playoffs and she knew which league her favorite teams were on. She'd wondered about the AL and NL today and searched for it on google and learned all about it and told me all about it. We talked for quite awhile about it, I asked her questions here and there and showed a lot of interest. Then she mentioned going to workout again, I asked her if she was still at work and she said no, driving home. She used to call me to/from work during her 45min-1hr drive and that seems like what she'd done today. I told her to have a good workout and thanks for calling. She said she'd talk to me later and bye. The call was 33mins total, I think a record for post-bomb! She wasn't as "good friend" sounding, a little more "matter of fact" but not too negative.
Went to the Marriage Enrichment group session after I got off the phone with my wife. Only the leader and his wife and one other couple showed up. The leader said he'd had 6 couples call this week and thought more people would show, but there was also a competing event tonight and that might be where people are. We prayed, then watched a great video, Hidden Keys to Loving Relationships by Gary Smalley. It was fantastic, the guy is super funny and has a great conversational way of getting his message across. The 1st topic of the 5 part series was "Recognizing and Valuing you and your mates differences." Some highlites are, the #1 most important principle is that "your actions need to communicate your wife is #1 in your life" and also that Honoring yourself and your wife is key, which means attaching a high value to someone and it really effects your attitude and actions towards yourself and your wife. 6 weeks of Honoring someone will change your attitude. Then he covered the 5 significant differences between men and women and the 3 questions to ask your wife to get a road map on how to relate to her. I'm really looking forward to the next session, it was really a good lecture, might buy the tapes/dvds for myself and the workbook and go to town with it.
After the session, I went to a couple stores trying to get tools and parts to finish fixing the riding lawn mower, the back lawn is in bad need of a mowing. Got most of the stuff, then S13 wanted to go to Olive Garden for dinner. I went home and picked him up and met my mom and the 3 of use had dinner. I totally stuffed myself today since my mom had made my favoriate for breakfast, biscuits and gravy, then I went to Chili's with her and had ribs for lunch, then I had nachos at the sports bar, then spagetti and meatballs for dinner (only 1/2 of it!). I think I'm done losing weight and have to get back to the gym before I start gaining the 40lbs back I lost, all of it fat this time!
Got home and headed to bed, decided to sent my wife a goodnight txt msg since I'd not initiated one in a few days, she had been doing all the initiation. So I sent her "Goodnight. Thanks 4 the baseball history lesson it wwas very cool info! I pray u are doing well. Sleep tight & watch out 4 darkness falls. -jdk" and I got back from her right away "Goodnight. I'll give u another lesson tomorrow" and I sent her back "Excellent. Nighty night."
Seems like she spent a lot of time sharing something that really interests her today, since I have an interest too it is a good way to connect. She even mention something about "you know that game you wanted to take me too, the teams are both in the National League..." which was refering to the game I invited her to for our anniversary on Saturday that she turned down.
Bed time for me, also have to arrange an out of town trip for me, my mom and the kids for tomorrow night, -JDK
