I think you are doing well. Being flexible while also making sure YOUR needs are heard.
I totally agree with you. My new 180 is to start expressing my NEEDS and 'negotiating' if necessary and not arguing. Hopefully reality will start to set in. I missed an opportunity to tell her earlier that he agree with her and that I prefer that this not be the case, and that this is the result of her choices. I should have made the statement when she started to whine about how I had D3 all weekend until Monday night. I then had her spend the night tonight, and I'll have her spend the night on Friday night and take her back Saturday evening before I go out with a friend.
She appears to have the man of her dreams, and knows it, but is apparently suffering the same fate as all men and women who refuse to look at their partners’ actions as evidence of the status of their relationship. She presents symptoms of a bit of a self-esteem deficit, and this causes her to question whether she deserves this man she enjoys so much, which in turn is creating a trust issue. She thinks it is him that she doesn’t trust, but if you read between the lines, it’s actually her ability to hold him that she questions. And make no mistake, this can quickly destroy an otherwise very solid relationship.
My W has always told me that she knew that she wanted to be with me forever after we met. She adored me so much. She loved everything that I did for her. She WANTED me all the time. Sure, I made stupid mistakes and I never meant any harm. I always assured my W that I love her and will not leave her. Once we got really close, she started attacking my reasons for still having my friends in my life. She would tell me that she doesn't talk to her friends, why am I talking to mine. (I think that she viewed her friends as a potential threat. Her sister-in-law who has made comments about me and other guys being cute. My W doesn't like her AT ALL! She got all upset when I went to work on a computer with my brother-in-law and wanted to know if his W was there and why did I have to go right now. Why not go another time). She always saw my friend's girlfriends and wives as a threat. As stated above, it seems as though this statement is TRUE for my situation. I can't believe it!
She presents symptoms of a bit of a self-esteem deficit, and this causes her to question whether she deserves this man she enjoys so much, which in turn is creating a trust issue. She thinks it is him that she doesn’t trust, but if you read between the lines, it’s actually her ability to hold him that she questions.
Her expectations are so high for me. She wants me to be exactly like her father and brothers.
All I can say is WOW! This all makes sense to me now. I can understand the big picture. WHOA
OneWish's Story
"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."
