Thanks for that link ! its so true , I have opened the door wide as you know , but I may just polish it off with that letter or a variation of it.
Quote:
The third change occurs not in the mind of the cool spouse but in the mind of the vulnerable one. Incredibly, he or she feels better — somehow more in control of the situation. There is no greater agony than journeying through a vale of tears, waiting in vain for the phone to ring or for a miracle to occur. Instead, the person has begun to respect himself or herself and to receive small evidences of respect in return. Even though it is difficult to let go once and for all, there are ample rewards for doing so. One of those advantages involves the feeling that he or she has a plan — a program — a definite course of action to follow. That is infinitely more comfortable than experiencing the utter despair of powerlessness that the victim felt before. And little by little, the healing process begins
This is where I am at right now and it is liberating.
The biggest part of this is getting through to the point where you can do this for real without the expectation that its going to fix the R and be prepared and comfortable with the idea that the M is over, while still being a little receptive to a reconciliation.
It would be good if we could grasp this early as newcomers but its too early in the process , even knowing that stuff 3 months ago I dont think I could have done it as I was still clinging on in my mind.
