zuzu wrote: " HE KNOWS beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am committed to our relationship."
His spoken insecurities would indicate otherwise.
I know that this is not all your fault. I understand that he is being difficult. From my point of view, you are here, and I can't talk to him. That means that you will have to be the one to do the work, at least initially.
From what you have posted, it appears to me that he is close to walking, or getting mixed up in a situation that will quadruple the trouble you are already having. I hate to see that happen to you.
I hope that you will re-read the suggestions that have been made to you. Press into your husband rather than adding distance. I don't mean be needy or grabby, but available to him, even when he is being a jerk. I am not suggesting that you eat crap forever, just long enough to allay some of his fears.
He is going to have to come to terms with his issue with you, but that is unlikely to happen as long as his fears are being fed - from his point of view, not yours.
The fact that he has gone to counseling indicates that he is willing to face his issues. I don't blame him for walking out of the counselors office when he was basically being directed to "just get over it". Obviously, he can't, or he would have already.
His problem with the past may not make sense to you, but think about this, you have issues with your past, when you were a child, right? Being older doesn't mean that situations don't arise that have long term affects on a person, ask any betrayed spouse, or divorced person if they have issues with the past.
If you put two people through the same situation, one may come out traumatized, the other laughing. People often react differently to the same situation.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
