Glad to hear that you and you H are trying in some way to work through your issues. Hopefully it is possible that something positive may come from what you thought may have been destructive. I guess the $64,000 question is how do you deal with the avoidance when both parties aren't willing? Has avoidance always been an issue in your M? Avoidance seems to be the reason why so many of us end up like this.
I will be amazed if I can pull this off tomorrow with no R talk but I am going to try. It is going to be a bit of an emotional day since I sign escrow docs at 11:00 and then meet my H for lunch. Maybe not the best planning on my part.
In your opinion, is it okay to talk about him? Is he happier now then he was 4 months ago? Is he doing anything to work on himself (still going to IC)? What are his plans for the future (where is he going to be living)? Do you think that those questions are off limits as well?
I guess I am pretty naive when it comes to this kind of stuff. When I went through my D with my first H, I dealt with things the best I could. It was difficult since I had two babies and I had a lot of resentment toward my 1st H and the OW. I still don't like them. When my current H and met, he had been separated (their 2nd separation) from his 1st wife for almost a year. She had cheated on him but he still wanted to work it out. He claims when they got back together he tried to make it work but it just wasn't the same. Last year, his XW took him back to court to get more child support and he was furious and wished her dead. So, there may be some unresolved issues there. I also think he has some unresolved issues with his parents. Shortly after my H left for college, his mother cheated on his dad. She married the guy. About 20 years later, when her 2nd H died and his father's girl friend died, they got back together. They never remarried but they were together till they died. My H always talks very highly of his dad but hardly mentions his mom. I also wonder whether or not he has dealt with their deaths. Not sure if you really wanted all of that history, but there you have it.
I know what your saying about working on the friendship and that I have nothing to lose but do I really want to be friends with someone who has caused me so much pain? If that is the case, do I want to be married to someone who has cause me so much pain? All of this just makes my head spin.
Hope you are doing well tonight. I am off to my D's water polo games.
