Stillme's Chapters Continue Some More

[stillme]

Oh, I want the message to be clear as a bell, but I want HIM confused! (Consider how much of our [LBS] time is spent trying to figure out WHY our S is doing something, WHAT they are thinking, WHETHER the 'clues' mean what we think they mean . . .H being focused on ME (rather than his own selfish self, or his, ick, anger) can only be a Good Thing, no?

A bit more of the Respect/Worth reasoning: Consider that every time H thought a neg thing about me, my side of the Worth scale went down a notch and, at the same time (b/c they are intrinsicly linked), H's side went up a notch. "She's out of shape" click "She's no fun" click "She's not interesting" click "She doesn't love me enough" click "she doesn't understand my financial stresses" click click . . . until THUD my side of the scale hits lowest point & H's side is as far up as it can go. THAT's when he looks (down) at me & was able to have the thought that: I deserve so much more/better than her. and was able to make the decision that "D is the only thing to do" altho "gee, I hate to hurt her, poor thing". There's noooo respect. Since then - altho DBing worked wonderfully for the most part - b/c of OUR (unique?) sitch/emotions/characters, H has gone from feeling pity for me to resentment, disgust, ANGER & contempt for all that I am & all I have done post-DBing. It has allowed him to continue NOT respecting me, and to see me as Weak & unworthy of him.

To (Dobson) get my M back on track, I need to put a stop to the DISrespect. Then I need to get my Worth increased. Since a thing's (person's) Worth increases exponentially with the amount it is desired (by others) & the cost to attain it, H needs to not only think/feel/know that I'm not his to pick up off the floor if/when he chooses (NOT!) but that he will have to WORK to gain my attention. (Think: Did you want the (easy) person who was wanting YOU, or did you want the cheerleader/jock who EVERYONE thought was "the bomb"? If you do ebay/auctions: How much more (time, effort, money) are you willing to invest in something when you think it might be snatched out from under your nose by another bidder?) Interesting stuff.


PS - Donna, EVERYTHING can be expedited w/a little $$.