Actually, I kind of am hoping she gets on the plane if she won't consider reconciliation. That gives me everything I need to make a real divorce happen (abandonement don't play in this state).
My worry is that she may have already "come to her senses" and is just testing me with the proposal. I'm heading to her mom's house in a few to take my son out to dinner, just talked to her on the phone (lots of laughter/good conversation, no R), will probably see her. Wish me luck.
P.S. Work on myself? Hell, not only does she not believe the changes in me, I can hardly believe them myself (10 more sit-ups and I can probably get into your line of work).
That is an awesome attitude!
You have to Act As If. Be genuine in your belief that if she gets on that plane she just might not be the kind of woman you want to partner with in making a life, reaching your dreams and showing your child what a great relationship looks like.
Keep it up, no R talk. Even if she wants to, don't. Not until she is determined to build a new and better R. Believe me when I tell you, I fell for that one at least a hundred times until I figured it out. I kept asking myself, how in the world am I getting into an R talk with her? I'm not starting it, I don't even want to have it. Then I realized, in my efforts to validate, I was standing by while she would initiate an R talk. Most of the time it was almost as if she was talking to herself and I was just a bystander. She was trying to convince herself that she was making the right decision and every time I would point out my changes or defend myself I was just helping her make her case.
In my experience they want to massage their guilt so they start a conversation that quickly devolves into a list of reasons you suck. If you defend yourself, point out your changes you only reinforce their beliefs and assist them in feeling less guilty about their steadfast WAW posture.
Don't do it. There is nothing to discuss but childcare and finances. Everything is just the way your working it, lots of laughter/good conversation and no R talk. Keep it light, keep it happy.
It will make you feel better as well. There is no way we, the LBS, walk away from a R talk in which they remind us, (and themselves) of all the reasons they don't want to be with us. Screw that. Don't give them the stick the need to hit you.
Good job on the situps. Add some superman's in there between sets of situps and you will have the posture of a king.
