Wife called me today and asked how work was going, I told her I was busy making some flowcharts. I asked her about her day and work, she said it was fine, they were just finishing up a case, her co-worker had the day off. She started talking about the schedule for the kods to fly to see her and her to drive the 3 of them to camp (she is going to be the camp nurse for the week). She had me look up the camp website to get the right dates, I told her the available flight times and she told me which ones she wanted. $500 to book the flights, I sent her the confirmation email with a note that said "I've spent $1000 in the last week for flight for the boys, I'm going to have to buy my own plane to fly them around soon" and I'll see if she volunteers to pay for any of it. She is still talking like she is my good friend, no mention of anything about us or our anniversary on Sat.
Went to IC and took my mom again today, a little more emotional today, first time I've gotten choked up and crying in a couple months I think. Most of it centers around my dad, some of it around my mom sending me away to live with friends of our family because she couldn't handle a teenage boy that was rebelious on her own. IC wants my mom and I to talk about everything I felt back then, for me to finally get rid of all the pain and anger and feelings I've carried around and that everything else has piled up behind for 25 yrs. My mom is all for it, she is very supportive and will do anything for her kids. Took her to lunch afterwards, talked a bit, did a sudoku with her, had a nice time, but already feel a bit drained emotionally by the IC sessions and dealing with my feelings, haven't felt emotionally weak in a while and don't want to go back to feeling that way anymore. But I also don't want to go on the way I have either so I need to continue to face myself and my fears and my anger and my pain and get rid of them once and for all.
Have a marriage group meeting tonight at church, not sure if going solo is the "right thing" to do, but I'm going, guess they can tell me not to come back without my wife if it is a problem. I need to learn all I can and be around good people as much as possible, so I'm going!
