Mrs. Nop, there is one very well respected family friend who I email regularly with. It is rather embarrassing to share details of my marriage with her, but I said something recently in an email to her. (She is a nurse and in her 50's.) Here it was:
Joey and I are actually seeing a counselor weekly to work out some old stuff from the past. I thought things were fine, (busy, but fine), but Joey was having some issues. We are doing a little better now. It's been sort of challenging for us. He mentioned you and Brian as the type of couple he would like to be (one of the few he knows of). How do you do it? You are both so laid back and easy to get along with. We are trying and ARE doing much better. We have made a real effort not to fight in front of the kids, because we were starting to do that and I know how badly that affects them.
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Now...about you guys. I hope your counselor is empathetic to both sides. Brian and I went through counselling in our early days and it sucked. Of course this was before kids and the counselor was obviously on Brian's side, etc. I know you've heard our story, but we went our separate ways. It took that 10 months apart to make us stronger now. We reminisce about those days and talk about our feelings during that time, maybe once a year or so. Keep your relationship spicy and interesting. We have our separate professional lives, but when we're together - we're together. Brian still thinks I don't listen to him sometimes, but he talks about everything and anything and sometimes I really don't listen, but... Brian has been a challenge at times because he has so many interests and I want him to be happy, but I also want him to bring home a paycheck, so... finding that niche is hard. He loves teaching, but sometimes he talks about picking up and doing something else. I just let him work through it without adding too much. As for myself, I know what I want out of life: I want to help people by nursing and educate those who are inexperienced with their particular disease, mallady, whatever. I want to have quick, easy access to my kids and grandkids. I want to have a home that is comfortable and spacious for everyone to move around in. I want to be able to see trees and flowers and grass out my door. and I'd love to live in a country that cared less about money and more about conservation and peace. I can say that I have all but the last. I've made my family my life and country. Robin, you are a wonderful mother and person. I also know that you put everything you have into loving your family - cooking, entertaining, educating, homemaking. I don't know what your OLD stuff is in you and Joey's relationship, but you have to bond your circle now. Your role models for relationships are not your fault. You and Joey have what it takes. Talk it out - however painful - and yes, away from Sam and Mari if possible. Their role models are you and Joey. I do not have any prophetic words to give you, but just to love each other and break the cycle of ending life together and bond it tightly. Hang on and enjoy the ride. We love you all. Come visit if you can. I told you we would try to come see you guys too. We really want to. Love always
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Well, things are going better between Joey and I. Thank you for your words of wisdom, they are you know. I have tried to focus my energies on "advice" from sources that are obviously pro-marriage, because I have no desire to divorce. We are well past that hump now, but still have a ways to go in being completely happy. Both of us trying has really helped. (Just between you and I, the stuff from the past is when I dumped Joey, thinking it was the right thing to do, about 1.5 years into our relationship, 1992. We were apart for a total of 3 months or so, with lots of tears and on again/off again crap. I hurt him deeply because he never wanted it. I was more into partying and had suddenly felt settled down with him. I was 18. In March, I caught him emailing a woman he had met at a conference and was flirting pretty heavily. Fortunately, she lives in Texas, so it was just an email thing, but you can imagine how that was for me. Very out of the blue from my vantage point. He says he had been expressing how unhappy he was for the previous year. I thought it was typical "new baby" stuff, you know? I didn't know about you and Brian early in your relationship. It's hard for me to hear Joey downplaying his email thing at the same time that he is so furious with me over stuff that happened 15 years ago.) I try to remind myself that noone's marriage is perfect, and we can get through this.
Anyhow .... sigh ... we ARE doing better and that's good.
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Oh....honey. 18yrs old and he can't forget that? He better. I'm glad things are working out. Geez! this email crap between men and women or whoever that don't know each other... It's easy to camoflauge over the internet. I have been so...oo jealous of women that Brian has come into contact with over the years and some of it was warranted. I had it out with a couple of women who tagged along on some field trips. I'm a crazy woman!! No, you're right. Noone's marriage is perfect, but how boring I guess if they were. Enjoy your trip to Las Vegas! That'll be fun!! Again...love always
How do you do it? You are both so laid back and easy to get along with. We are trying and ARE doing much better. We have made a real effort not to fight in front of the kids, because we were starting to do that and I know how badly that affects them.
