Went to T last night by myself. Told him the same thing I had told the last two Ts. He wants to try to get her to back to couples counseling. I said not right now. She wants nothing to do with therapy right now. She wants out. He said that I know my situation better than he does and if I don't think it's time, then don't do it. But as soon as she seems to soften a bit, go for it. I am hesitant to do that. I will continue to just go by myself and let her say what she wants to do and validate.
Does that sound like the correct plan?
When she's softening, say, "I'm going to a great therapist on wednesdays. If you'd be interested in going, here is his info. You don't have to go with me, but if you feel like trying him out, I'll pay for it." OR something like that (she may not like the you paying for it part, you know her and how she'd react.)
No pressure, no hurry, no implication that SHE needs to go, just "If she wants to check it out."
Good Luck!
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
I am doing well. The W brought up some relationship talk. Not a lot and I didn't push. She asked questions and I answered them. I also took the opportunity to tell her about working on me. That it wasn't anything she had to do. I told her my plan and what I had already put in motion. She took it in stride and said she doesn't know how much she can give. I validated. She later brought up about going to see Die Hard this weekend and i asked her if she wanted to go to a new restaurant that's opening soon and she said that sounds like a plan. So it was a good weekend. There were some struggles with her crying and saying she didn't want to go through this anymore, I said I understood and I was sorry she was feeling like that. So, it is going to be tough, but we'll see.
JR,
She might be interested eventually, but right now she is going to her T and I will be going to mine. She may be willing to go to a support group for what she is going through and people like her. I am just going to take it as it comes. If she wants to talk, then we talk, If she wants to ask questions, then I answer them. I am in the mode of whatever it takes to save this, then that's what I do. Thanks for checking on me.
I am doing well. The W brought up some relationship talk. Not a lot and I didn't push. She asked questions and I answered them. I also took the opportunity to tell her about working on me. That it wasn't anything she had to do. I told her my plan and what I had already put in motion. She took it in stride and said she doesn't know how much she can give. I validated. She later brought up about going to see Die Hard this weekend and i asked her if she wanted to go to a new restaurant that's opening soon and she said that sounds like a plan. So it was a good weekend. There were some struggles with her crying and saying she didn't want to go through this anymore, I said I understood and I was sorry she was feeling like that. So, it is going to be tough, but we'll see.
JR,
She might be interested eventually, but right now she is going to her T and I will be going to mine. She may be willing to go to a support group for what she is going through and people like her. I am just going to take it as it comes. If she wants to talk, then we talk, If she wants to ask questions, then I answer them. I am in the mode of whatever it takes to save this, then that's what I do. Thanks for checking on me.
Dude, that all sounds pretty good. If she's going to her own T, that's great. When she wants to go with you, she will.
Keep up the good work!
I'd love to be going to the movies with my W this weekend. I'm shooting for 7/18, our Anniversary. If I can get something going by then, I'll be stoked. Otherwise, I'll keep working on me and hope for August!
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
She has been going to her own T for a while. She has some other issues she is working on and I guess what I bring to the table is also discussed in her sessions.
She has been going to her own T for a while. She has some other issues she is working on and I guess what I bring to the table is also discussed in her sessions.
I wish you luck.
Thanks!
Did she go on her own, or did you ask her to go? Just curious because my counselor wants to get my W in to meet with him, but I don't think she will (individually even, not with me necessarilly). He even wanted to talk to our pastor about getting her in there, but I don't think that will work yet either. I'd love to be able to go with her, I think that would really open things up. But, anyway...
Hope all is going well with you today.
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
After she admitted herself to the hospital last time they told her in order to be released she had to go to individual counseling. She was going before that also, but this time she has to go.
The W hasn't been able to sleep lately. She says she has dreams about me having another woman and child. I try to tell her that is not the case, but she says it doesn't matter anyway. I wanted to ask her what that meant but I already knew what she would say. Why go there with her? I asked her if she was still going to go to her appointment with her T today and she said after this past week don't I think she needs to go. I just smiled and left her to her thoughts.
Her other T called today and asked how she was doing because she hasn't been to see him lately. That means she has run out of her medicine. She has done this before and it lead to her going to the hospital. He was concerned and wants to see her today. I told him I would tell her after she got out of this appt.
I am still letting her bring up any R talk. She may be just going through the motions to keep the peace until she can file. I don't know. After she talked about her dream I just went numb. I think I am getting to the point to where I don't care anymore. She called her two 'Friends' the past two days. I don't know what they talked about, but she called them. So, I believe i am going into protection mode. I am going to stop caring and see how that goes.
The W hasn't been able to sleep lately. She says she has dreams about me having another woman and child. I try to tell her that is not the case, but she says it doesn't matter anyway. I wanted to ask her what that meant but I already knew what she would say. Why go there with her? I asked her if she was still going to go to her appointment with her T today and she said after this past week don't I think she needs to go. I just smiled and left her to her thoughts.
"You don't have to defend yourself, she will do it for you." But have to stop trying to defend yourself, I know it's hard. You could say something like "It's unfortunate that you have dreams like that or I'm sorry that you are having bad dreams " and just leave it alone.
I am still letting her bring up any R talk. She may be just going through the motions to keep the peace until she can file. I don't know. After she talked about her dream I just went numb. I think I am getting to the point to where I don't care anymore. She called her two 'Friends' the past two days. I don't know what they talked about, but she called them. So, I believe i am going into protection mode. I am going to stop caring and see how that goes.
This is not a game, you want your wife back right? You might have to go dark or do the LRT. But you are a man and you can't turn your feelings on and off like a water faucet like most woman can. You can do little things to show your love, or make sure that she has everything that she needs. But you don't have to bend over backwards or jump through all her hoops to please her.
Last edited by Cadet; 06/29/1512:58 PM. Reason: book reference not allowed
Me: 37 WAW: 31 M: 6 Years No Kids BOMB: 9/4/06 D: 9/16/07 my sitch
After she admitted herself to the hospital last time they told her in order to be released she had to go to individual counseling. She was going before that also, but this time she has to go.
All is well with me, how about you.
Sorry I missed this, this forum moves too fast sometimes.
Good to hear you're hanging in there. I read your subsequent post. Don't stop "caring" stop worrying and obsessing. Very different.
Me? I'm just chillin.
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
