I think I have written to you about this before, but you need to leave your girlfriends out of the loop when you are discussing issues private to the marriage. That should be between you and hubby and possibly disinterested outside observers.
I thought at first the he was stuck. That happens to people. I don't believe that is the case as much as he has no sense of security with you.
What I think he sees is you having gone flaky on him once, and every time you disengage from the marriage (avoiding discussions, going to girlfriends to avoid uncomfortable situations, etc), he fears the same thing will happen again. Each time, he questions his decision to be married to you.
That loop repeats itself in your relationship. The problem is that each iteration only makes the resentment, and the insecurity, deeper.
The way to fix that is to stop avoiding conflict in the relationship. You can start by removing; spending the night away, sharing private marital issues with friends, taking advice from girlfriends, and by directly addressing issues with your husband as they come up. You can do that without shouting, or losing your cool.
You need to change the way you handle conflict with your husband. Prove that you will stay in the midst of the storm, no matter what. Do it unfailingly.
Next, you need a ready answer to his issue with the past. I suggest that you acknowledge his pain each time it comes up, and absolutely stop being dismissive of his pain or his opinion of the past. They are as valid as your concerns for the marriage.
Tell me what you think so far.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
