Maybe she stayed this long because she accepted the blame for problems I was causing. Maybe once she lets go of that she'll see that she wasted a hell of a lot of time with me and hate me.

But she does know about my problems, and knew about them in a general way all along, and I didn't hide the fact that I was seeking treatment for them. Maybe she already knows more than she's ever talked about. Or maybe she'll forgive me because I did something about it of my own free will with no threats or inducements from her, even if I'm not 100% normal even today.

Either way, I'll be okay. A lot of regrets, but regrets aren't the end of the world. And I'm way too old to just be starting out on the life I should have been living, but that's not the end of the world either.

a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.