It isn't all your fault. I would seriously doubt that your xW knows what a boundary is, or feels like to actually set one with a parnter. No offense to her... it is a hard thing to learn. One of the reasons I let myself get brow-beaten into my xH's Book Of Should Be's is because **I** had no clue what a personal boundary was, nor how to set one and be consistant with it. So it wasn't all my xH's fault. I was half responsible for not sticking up for me... in a constructive way... by setting my personal boundaries... instead... I got caught up in power struggles and rolling around in his chit. As he did with me.
Corri
We're still married. She had more patience with me than I had any right to expect, and I'm doing my best to see that her patience pays off.
I don't know what would have happened if she had put down better boundaries. I might have run, or more to the point pushed her until she finally left so she'd be the bad guy... I seriously didn't understand what was wrong with me and dreaded the thought of anyone finding out. But she's making her own improvements, years after I had given up hope of her ever being the woman she is now, complete with a more solid idea of what she wants and how to get it and how to ask for it. I don't really know how or why she did that. I guess she'd say the same about me if she were here.
She wouldn't be brow-beaten, and I didn't try... I just blamed her for problems that I pretended were the result of me giving in to her demands. But she did accept that blame... she apologizes for interrupting me and such even now. Dammit, she probably still carries around some of that blame, and I can't help her without letting her see all my problems and shortcomings, past and present. That scares the hell out of me even now.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
