I need some understanding from the men out there.

[fearless]

If the issue of sexual fulfillment has not been addressed, then essentially the mans needs have not bee addressed.

If the issue of closeness/respect/tiredness/etc. in the relationship is not addressed, then the woman's (in your case) needs have not been addressed. Do you really want your wife to "fake" desire and have sex even though you are not exhibiting attractive and desirable behaviors for her? Why not BECOME the man you want to be and see if that attracts her desire and attention?

I may be reading between the lines, but it seems that the mans issues in marriage always seem to be addressed LAST.

This is a recurrent theme in most of your posts. You are so worried that it is unfair for you to have to make the first move or first changes. I wonder if this is also an attitude with everything else in your life. If so, this is a big difference between us.

I will say Hi or wave to people FIRST, I will treat friends to dinner FIRST, I will talk to my seatmate on the plane FIRST, I will ask my boss for a raise FIRST (rather than assuming he will know I deserve more money), I will tell my boyfriend what I am thinking or want FIRST, if I make a mistake, then I say sorry FIRST, etc. The reason WHY I tend to make the first move is because I don't like sitting around waiting for others to figure out what will make me happy. Rather I will DO the things I need to do to make myself happy. I don't feel it's anyone else's JOB to make me happy. And I certainly don't want to sign up for the JOB of making someone else happy either. Yes I like to take care of people and do nice things but I am not capable of doing it 100% of the time.

My guess is you sit back and wait for others to make the first move EVEN THOUGH it affects you the most. You may expect others to know you DESERVE something or need something without knowing that they have lives of their own and may not be that in tune with your needs.

Just my interpretation of your posts...