I need some understanding from the men out there.

[Crazy Eddie]

I am Crazy Eddie, and I am a (recovering) workaholic. That list fit me in every particular.

I thought I couldn't possibly be a workaholic, since I wasn't getting that much actual work done. Workaholics make scads of money and accomplish miracles, right?

Maybe not.

She worried about finances, as did I. The question I dreaded most was "why aren't you making enough money?" because the answer, as far as I could tell, was "because I'm a lazy good-for-nothing". So I stayed "busy" and resented every "interruption" she or the kids caused in my "work", and gave her the impression I was working as hard as I possibly could. Which I was, just not as hard as normal people could work even when they took time to play and be with their families. I did my best to give the impression (to myself as well as to her) that any shortcoming in my work was caused by her insistence that I pay attention to her and the kids and the household, so that she'd never suspect that I was the main source of the problem. And I always ended up promising everyone more than I could deliver, hoping that the prospect of breaking that promise would force me to deliver and show everyone (including myself) that I could deliver... that didn't usually work.

Looking at that list, it looks like most workaholics constantly think their work is falling short and try to make up for it by staying "busy" and putting in more hours so they can meet what turns out to be an impossible standard for them and to prove their manly endurance as well. I can definitely relate to that.

Any admiration and attraction I had for him, died. I was always rebelling against what he thought I SHOULD be. It felt very parental, very controlling, and very hurtful, for when we were dating, the person I was, the things that were unique about ME, were the very things that attracted him to me in the first place.

I've been in his shoes too, but I never came out and expressed anything about how she should be. I tried to push her to be "better", failed, and eventually gave up. I spent a lot of time wondering how I could be or stay or fall back in love with someone that didn't come close to my "ideal woman", wondering if she existed, wondering if I'd find her, wondering if I'd go a lifetime without ever finding her, and wallowing in unhappiness and doing my best to hide it. I'm not sure how much she knows about that even now, but she wasn't happy either for several good reasons.