Hi ROOT- Pumpkin bread sounds so good right now. I am looking forward to getting into my new kitchen to do some baking. I don't care for the kitchen where I am at right now.
A week ago, I did suggest to my H that he and I do something for our anniversary or our H. He avoided giving me an answer. I may try to suggest something again but I really hate putting myself out there.
I agree that my H must be suffering from MLC, depression and/or hormonal imbalance but it is all so strange. I seem to be (and my kids by default) the only one he wants to really cut out of his life. To everyone else he puts on a happy face and it is life as usual. He did have one day where he blew off work and didn't tell his partner he wasn't coming in so I talked to his partner about everything. He knew we were seperated but he thought I was the one having the MLC (because I bought a new car and a new house)! He said my H never seems depressed but he said he has been acting a little different...somewhat angry and irritable. Anyway, I told his partner things in confidence and well, he threw me under the bus...but that is another story...stupid me!
My H seems to not want to talk to me or spend time with me. I think it is his way of dealing (really not dealing) with things. Maybe he doesn't want to talk to me because I am the one who makes him look at what he is doing. Everybody else walks around like what he is doing it isn't a big deal.
There has been some major upheaval in our lives in the last year. My H had a high power interim position for about 6 month while still trying to keep his law firm going. I think he really enjoyed the power and respect he got from the interim position. I could tell that it changed him. Then in late summer, his D left for college. He didn't really act like it was a big deal, but I think it really made him start looking hard at his life. At the beginning of this year, he moved his office. I don't think that was a big deal except for the stress of getting it all done. In February, we sold our house and moved into my father's house (7,000 sq.ft.). My H wanted the house, I really didn't. Three weeks later, is when he left. I think he realized that the house was too much for him/us. I think it was a combination of everything that lead us to this.
Well, I just called my H and asked him if he wants to go to lunch tomorrow. Before I had a chance to ask about lunch, the phones at his office went out...in the minute we had to talk, he said his computer network crashed...karma!!! Anyway, he sent me a text to tell me about the phones. I replied very nicely saying I was sorry for all of the problems he was having and that I just wanted see if he wanted to go to lunch tomorrow. He said sure.
Now, can I go and have no R talk?...I don't know. I really don't know what I want at this moment. I don't want to be in a relationship where I have to walk on eggshells. I want a man to love me, want to be with me and make an effort to be with me. I want the man I married but I'm not sure he exists anymore. So, with that being said, part of me wants to go and just talk about how to divid everything up...and then there is the hopeful part of me that wants to believe we can get past this.
Hope you are doing well today. What is the latest on your sitch? I hope you and your H are working through things.
