I spent a lot of time on these boards this time last year and don’t think I could have survived the summer last year without the kindness of the people here that were faced with the same immense pain, but found time to help others.
My W dropped the bomb in April 06. She moved out in July 06. We have three kids (10, 8 & 4) and had been married for 15 years when she left. I spent last summer DBing as best I could and never got anywhere (at least with her) it was great for me! W and I stayed friendly for the most part. We saw each other almost everyday (with the kids crazy schedules), we live ½ mile apart and she is free to come and go in my house because we share taking care of the kids (who we split equally).
I started dating late in the fall and it was nothing serious. I need adult companionship and I was honest with the women I was seeing about where my heart was and how much trouble I was having accepting Divorce, but that I had come to peace with there was nothing I could do. As time passed I got a little more serious with the gal I was dating, but never let it get to serious. I also never hid it from my W (who encouraged me to date) but also never did anything that would stick it in her face. Figured there was no reason for either.
Well about a month ago W finds a necklace in my master bath and shows it to me. We both know hat it means, but she says she has no problem with it, but is clearly shaken. A few weeks later she comes over to my house early on a Saturday and I’m not alone. She leaves, but when I see her later she is freaked out. She is crying, she is mad, she doesn’t eat for days, can’t sleep… she is a complete mess. She sends me an e-mail about 3-4 days later and she repeats all the reasons she left, but that she still loves me and I will always be in her heart. She said she had to leave for her, but she still loves me, she was just afraid to tell me since we split. She also wished me the best with this relationship or any other.
Two days later she confronts the girl I’ve been dating at the pool. She introduces herself and says she felt is was important that they meet, because the both swim at the same pool in the morning. W seems to level out about 2 weeks later, but I do see a lot more anger than I had in the past. But I’m not sure if it is about my dating or about the last minute money issues we are trying to resolve in the final stages of mediation.
Now we are up to this past weekend. W AGAIN confronts my lady friend at the pool at tells her that she is sorry about confronting he the first time and that she was not in a good place. She then goes on to tell her that “Jack still loves me and would take me back’!!!! Ok now am I crazy or is that whacked?? Yes I want her back and yes I told my friend that I would always love W. We have three kids and spent 17 years together, but why would W say this!?!?
W tells me that she thought my friend knew this already! I said yes I did tell her I will always love you, but nothing more. Then we have a bad day or two trying to make the numbers work on mediation, we disagree yesterday, but after some thought I reconsider some things and I call her last nigh to say I changed my mind.
Well, we talk for 2 ½ hours!! It was like old times. We laugh and share stories. She tells me about how rough it has been and she tells me that she got so crazy when she knew I was sleeping with someone else that she did more then just confront my friend, she even called my ex-girlfriend from 17 years ago (the one I was dating when I met W). She said the ex was still a bitch and we laughed. She had no idea why she called her after 17 years, but she just felt all out of sorts for a week or so.
We talked about how much I miss her and how beautiful I still think she is. I told her she will always be the sexist women I know and that making love to her for 17 years never got old and it was as special the last time as it was the first. Yes I know this is not DBing, but I stopped DBing months ago. However, she didn’t rush me off the phone or get uncomfortable hearing these things. We lingered on and on for 2 ½ hours! I told her I knew she still cared for me and she said of course I do.
Today she sent me an e-mail saying how nice it was to talk. I simply replied that it was nice and that it had been too long.
Well...what do you want? You want your marriage or do you want your current relationship?
H-36 W-38 Married 14yrs Together 17 2 Children (D12, S15) 9/20/05 - Seperated 4/23/07 - Dbomb dropped 4/25/07 - I Love you, not in love "If it's not hard, it's not worth fighting for."
She doesn't give me the time of day. All she has time for is her job. After the first month of sep. I attempted asking her about a date night like our C recommended but she said she didn't want to give me false hope. False hope? Last time I checked we were still married
We talked about how much I miss her and how beautiful I still think she is. I told her she will always be the sexist women I know and that making love to her for 17 years never got old and it was as special the last time as it was the first. Yes I know this is not DBing, but I stopped DBing months ago. However, she didn’t rush me off the phone or get uncomfortable hearing these things. We lingered on and on for 2 ½ hours! I told her I knew she still cared for me and she said of course I do.
Today she sent me an e-mail saying how nice it was to talk. I simply replied that it was nice and that it had been too long.
So, what do I do from here?
God Bless,
Jack H (now jack w because I forgot my password
Originally Posted By: jack
can tell you dating someone else generally, as a rule of thumb, isn't a way to save your marriage....
Get back to me after 15 months of no hope.
Hmmmm - ok....
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
