One link at a time

[BeingMe]

I know how you feel, WII! More than you can imagine. But, even though I am in Piecing, the struggle continues, and it's really hard when one's WAS has 'returned', and yet not really plugged into the M (in my opinion, anyway ... he may have a different story, which I don't get to hear, 'cause he doesn't speak to me about these emotional issues).

You think you're getting too old ... nuh uh! I am the one getting too old for this, and I am slowly moving toward ending this cr*p. My H comes home tonight, after being away for a couple of weeks in the USA, and I used to get so excited when he was coming home (before the A, that is), even just from work. Now, I feel somewhat empty.

I don't miss the sex that much, either (I'm a chick for pete's sake, and we can go without for a long time, I've heard), but even ILU's, the odd affectionate hug and holding hands, doesn't mean we are connected. I miss intimacy, not necessarily sex (although that can be a part of it), but just knowing I can share my innermost thoughts with him, and know that I am safe (emotionally speaking), and confident that I am first in his life, as he was in mine. I want to know that he hears me. I want to be able to trust him again, but I am a long way from that. There was a time that I knew these things to be true, but now I feel like our R is in an earthquake region, and you just never know when the ground is going to crack open and swallow you.

'Eh, I better get myself into a better frame of mind before tonight. I think I'm going to go and do some painting or something.