Ok Chicki...I thought you said something about not giving him a card, my bad. I certainly do not think you need to "worship him".
So why are you still trying Chicki? Is it just that you don't know how to be on your own yet? You sound pretty done. I will tell you this...he will not be accomodating your needs anytime soon - if ever...so if that is what you are looking for right now, you may as well forget it.
I have always been an independant woman. I need something done I do it. I know H admired that about me. H is not the type to have anyone needing him. I think thats why he runs when the things get tough or is running from the the R of the kids too which he kida agreed about that at the begining. The only "need" I haev is finicial right now and I am thankful he is still paying the house and it's utilitites. We are'nt legally seperated and as he mentioned (which I think these wrods came from MIL)that at least he did not go "crazy" like some men do when they leave for OW and let the house and all else go to hell.
I also appreciate when here lately he comes over on a tuesday nite, he will pull the trash out for me or form time to time he will have a coworker freind come over and mow the lawn. I let him know I am thankful.
H does notice the changes in the house and will say so. Like I finally (don't know why it took so long) but I put away all his bathroom things that were in the medecine cabinet and his toothbrush & I put it under the sink. H asked why and I said you don't live here and I need the space. The other day he opened the freezer and said it was never so full when he was there??
I am enjoying maybe a little too much my own space?? No I think I am jsut starting to detach again thats all.
What do you consider trying?? I signed the D papers over a month ago. I still love the man. I am only detaching. Can I detach? I do not pursue. I do not call him for anything. Whzt r you considering as me "trying"?
Sorry to answer a question with a question but..you tell me. What are you trying to accomplish? Are you just trying to move on with you life? What is your goal here?
I am not financially stable to get a place of my own. H is confused and I think the longer he stays in that state my feelings seem to die littlle by little. Sometimes I want this to hurry up end one way or the other. He says the Ow now knows I signed the D papers but he at first did not want her to know for not wanting to give her false hopes.
I guess like everyone else I am playing the waiting time will tell game?
I beleive in waiting for my sweet Lord's time. I jsut leave it all to HIM. I had asked God to put or keep my love alive for H if indeed HE wants us to stay together.
My goal is for H to come back & us to have a new & better M, hence the 180's like avoiding arguments and not reacting when H trys to push my buttons & learning new recipes (h liked that),etc. Not interrupting when he tells me about his day and listening to his wants or complaints.
Ok so you are still trying to save your M. You want that if he can pull his head out of his butt. If that is the case your needs wll unfortunatley have to stay on the back burner. So don't even think about that. Of if you need them met, meet then in a new way. I require physical touch. I crave it. W won't give it to me so I hug the kids a ton, etc. Replace what he won't give you somehow. It may not be a 100% match...but it should help.
If you are leaving it into God's hands to save your M, that is all well and good...just make sure to take advantage of the skills and opportunities that He provides to you.
This will take work from YOU, God won't just magically fix it all. And it does seem like you are doing good and trying to change. I say continue to focus on yourself, take a good look at what you did wrong, decide what you don't like about yourself and go about changing those things.
I guess I look at this as God has given you a wake up call. He has given you an opportunity to change your life for the better. Take it. If you H can, then he will come back and hopefully he can change as well and then your M can be a healthy one. But it will not be easy and it will take a long time. If does not happen...well guess what? You still win because you have taken His opporutnity.
It's always seemed to me, reading through your thread, that you love your H and that you want your marriage. You like the attention and the praise he sometimes gives you. If you're like me, though, you're all over the map with how you feel about the sitch--sometimes down, sometimes furious, sometimes hopeful. So you don't set goals, really. You trust to God. But maybe you also trust to time, trust to affairs growing old, as they do. But the other posters have given you good advice about setting goals. When you set goals, you have to focus and think hard. I haven't found it easy. That's why I really haven't done it! It would probably be a good exercise for both of us.
Hey chicki, you can still feel the way you do while setting goals for yourself. You would need to this with or without him. So why not set some goals for you. This helps with the feelings that fly all over the place. Better to tame them, rather than being caught off guard later on.
